Wednesday, June 10, 2009

The First One...

Alright. Lets get this awkward blog outta the way. The first one probably won't make anyone laugh, and it's more of a history of myself and why I am blogging. Here goes. My name is Travis, and I'm a 26 year old (at this time) guy who's married to the most wonderful woman in the world. I'm a fat guy, and I want to lose weight, but I refuse diet and excersice. Consequently, if anyone knows a good cocaine dealer, holla. I love to fish and play and watch basketball. I'm a TV fanatic, kind of, and some of my favorite programs are; The Office, King of the Hill, M*A*S*H, and Family Guy. I have a bunch of very funny friends, and they say lots of very funny things, most of the time on a daily basis. I work for a cell phone company (presently) and I won't say which one, b/c I don't want people bitching about our service. An unfortunate consequence of my job is that people are always asking me questions about their cell phones. My mothers ex husband for example, would always ask me questions about his IPhone. I mean, EVERY time I saw the man, he would ask me about it. Here's the deal though. I DON'T work for AT&T. At all. Or an agent for them. I don't personally like the IPhone, I'm a BlackBerry man. So our conversations would go somethin like this...

Idiot Guy who married my mom: Hey Travis, what's going on?
Me: Not a lot man, you?
IG: I'm okay. How's the cell phone business?
Me: It's alright. Kind of slow.
IG: What have you heard about the IPhone?
Me: Not a lot, being as we don't sell it or anything.
IG: I got this new application, it's pretty neat. It tells me about all the other applications and how I can download them for free.
Me: That sounds pretty neat, I like my BlackBerry.
IG: Yeah, my IPhone can save small children from fires, and also allows me to surf the web at 3G speeds.
Me: Right here? Can you pull a 3G signal right here?
IG: (holding phone in air) No, not right here really...
Me: Ah. Well, I'm gonna go say hi to Mom.

EVERY time. I saw him maybe once a week. And this happened EVERY time.

My apologies for that tangent, but that's how this blog will probably operate most of the time. I should have called it Chasing Rabbits. Anyhow, yeah. Cell phone business. I have a friend, who is currently tryna come up with a name for himself so I can reference him on this blog, (or tryna finish X Men 3) that is one of the funniest guys in the country at this point. Been friends with him for about 10 years or so now, and have laughed for a good portion of it. Lots of these blogs will probably have his smart ass comments in it.

I have 3 younger brothers, the youngest of which is probably the most like me. By that I mean that he shares the desire to make people laugh. The middle two share the desire to make fun of me for every aspect of my life. E.G. my weight, the car I drive, my lack of money, my lack of success, my dogs, my taste in clothes... You get the point. I have to come up with names for all of them as well, because they'll be referenced a lot too.

Finally, my wonderful beautiful wife of almost 6 years. I will refer to her as The Missus. I have always like calling her that, though truth be told, she'd probably be surprised to hear that. I love this woman. She will be in a lot of stories as well, such as The Night She Whipped a Guy's Ass for Me. That's a great story, and I'll tell it with many others.

All in all, I plan on making you laugh with my observations or stories. If that doesn't happen, I'll assume that you've all blew a funny fuse readin some of my favorite blogs. Until next time, I bid you farewell, and happy days.