Tuesday, August 4, 2009

I May Not Be The Prettiest At The Ball, But I Can Read!

I had a lame thing at the unemployment office this morning. It was supposed to be some kind of 2 hour class that was going to be like a resume shop. I can put together a resume. I've just never depended on one to get me an actual job. I ususally depend on someone I know. I don't think anyone ever gets a job solely on merit. It's all in who you know. That's real.

Anyway, I go in, and I get a look of surprise from the lady behind the counter. Finally I say, "Look, ya'll said that you were gonna stop my benefits if I didn't show up. I'm here." That seemed to get some action. I get sat down with a really nice guy and he starts running me through what I need to do. At one point, I'm pretty sure he was gonna hold my hand if I wanted it. He sets me up with a 12 question "pre-test" and walks away.

Folks, the hardest question on this test was this. "Jane has been sick for two weeks. Luckily for her, she got better, and was able to run the race today." Then the question was, "What is the main idea of the sentence?" Come on... Seriously? 4 reading questions, 4 math and 4 graph reading. I finished in about 5 minutes, and printed out my scores. Here is where the fun started.

The lady monitoring the printer grabs my sheet, looks at it, looks at me to confirm it's mine, and then starts getting excited. She runs up to the guy who set me up, he looks at it, his eyes get big, and he gets excited too. They start waving people in the office over to look at my sheet of paper. I don't mind telling you, I thought I'd gotten the only "0" ever. Turns out, the opposite was true. I was the first person in so many weeks to get a freaking "100" on that test.

Sweet blue flying fudge.

I mean, really? Come on now... But they were serious. Balloons came from the ceiling, there were streamers, and I'm pretty sure someone wheeled a cake out. I got a hat, and they sang and danced...... None of that is true. But they were all very excited. Too excited. The long and short of it is, this is freaking Oklahoma. I'm not saying I'm the smartest person in 3 counties, but I will say that I'm the smartest unemployed person in 3 counties. You should have seen the mean looks people gave me. I'd set the bar, and it was too high. I got a lot of nasty looks, particularly from the "hunt and peck" typers.

On the way home, I stopped by my old high school to get an application for subbing for some extra cash. Turns out, they needed a full time person to work there that doesn't require a degree. I got the job. Why? Because I know people.

Or is it because I'm the smartest unemployed person in 3 of our intelligent counties? Yeah... I like that one better.

[Blogging note: The Missus has said that she "gets" me tomorrow. This means no blogging, no Facebook, and (gasp of all horrified gasps) NO PHONE! This remains in effect till 8PM tomorrow night. Wish me luck, I'll be back then.]