Monday, August 10, 2009

Training For My NewEST Job...

So I started training today at my new job. I'm an aide at a school. It's my old home town school, and for sure, they told me if I did any blogging about kids, I'd be fired. They didn't say that exactly, or to me exactly, but a few of em looked my way when the "privacy" thing was brought up. Needless to say, I won't be blogging too much about my new job. Frowny face.

However, I just wanted to point out that the training we received on blood borne pathogens was done by the biggest tool I've ever met. I've never seen anyone who could make you blush talking about Hepatitis and AIDS. For starters, did you know that Staph infection lives around the mouth nose and Gentiles? Yup. That's right. Jews can't get Staph. You heard it here first! He meant to say "genitals." I just don't think he was familiar with the correct pronunciation of the word. He also went on to use the word "fenimen," which I'm assuming was meant to be "feminine." Come on, man. You get paid to go around and talk to people about diseases and stuff. Lets try to work on pronouncing words that you have to use. He DID wind up making me so scared of scabies that I'm gonna itch for 6 months. That shiz is horrible.

We got the usual, "Don't Have Sex With The Students" speech. I for one think that any teacher that does that should be shot in the face. That's real. Consensual or no, I don't care. Shoot them. We also got to practice CPR. I found out that I will probably kill someone upon attempting to do that. It has come to a point where I am so fat, I will kill people trying to save them. When I compressed that poor doll, the table almost fell through, and I almost had a heart attack myself trying to give 30 pumps! I figured I could just breathe a lot, then I found out that the breathing doesn't even really do anything. The survival rate is determined by the pumping. If you collapse in front of me, lets try to keep breathing, ok?

The person I am aiding hates my guts. Hates me from high school, y'all. Cheese and rice. Said since I didn't follow the rules then, I probably won't follow them now. This lady held onto my diploma because I owed a 55 cent book fine. Yeah. It's looking good. Like I said though, I won't be blogging too much about it at all, because it could get me in serious trouble. On the up side, I'm looking for a part time job full of idiots so that you may continue to enjoy this blog!

I'm headed out to a water balloon party with Marina and her kids, so we'll have some blogging for tomorrow, I'm sure. Also, it's Memoir Monday, and don't think I've forgotten! I'll have a story when I get home!