Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This Has Got To Stop...

I've had it. I'm sick of it, I'm tired of it, this is gonna keep me up nights. Would you like me to tell you what it is?

This is what it is:

Yup. I'm tired of it. It's ridiculous, it's racist, it's stereotypical, and it's wrong! What if I just had a glandular problem? What if I have really big bones? What if I got stung by a wasp a long time ago and the swelling hasn't gone down?!?!? Should I have to pay extra for my shirts just because I may or may not have a fat ass?

Fellow fatties, today is the day we take charge. Let us rise as (a really heavy) one and combat these flat bellied shirt makers that think it takes an extra 2 bucks to make our shirts bigger! You and I both know that money is not going to that poor little 6 month old Vietnamese girl who is stitching them up for 35 hours a day! You're still giving that little girl 2 cents an hour! With no dental! This is wrong, fellow fatties, and it has to be dealt with.

Here is what I propose. All of us fat people need to start wearing larges. Or mediums. Here is what I think will happen. Those pompous flat bellies will see our bulging out wobbly bits, and they will be so disgusted, they will eventually concede that our shirts should cost the same as theirs! This next part is not for the weak of heart or stomach. You've been warned.

I've taken the liberty of giving you an example, and I'm sorry.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go order a pizza.

(Note to reader: I really am sorry that you had to see this, but I needed to make a drastic point. I'm not proud of what I've done, but I am proud of what the result can be. And yes, The Missus had to help me take this off.) 


  1. Yeah...I'm with you. You made me laugh so hard I nearly peed my pants! :D

    I know it doesn't cost more cause my cheap ass jeans cost the same as my 7 year old skinny minis do!

    Go ahead...lead the movement!

  2. Oh my goodness...I agree but glad that was you in that picture and not me lol
    I watch Drop Dead Diva on lifetime lol and Jane just won a case against Prada for the same thing....skinny witches just dont understand lol

  3. Damn you're SEXY!

    Granted I only wear XL, but I'd be willing to pack it in an XS for a show of support.

    The wife read this post first, and she screamed and laughed and called me in from the other room (even though I was doing my best Micheal Jackson hang-a-kid-over-the-railing babysitting at the time).

    Good Show, my man.

  4. I didn't even realize that was you until you made a note of needing The Missus' help at the end. Don't let that get out to Google Images. I like your plan. Keep up the good work.

  5. 1 that joshes shirt?!?!

  6. P.S. I think you stole that pic from

  7. Here! Here! I excuse me, I must go and get some cleaner to clean my monitor.

  8. OMG I have no words. Really. I am speechless....and that ain't right!

  9. Adrienzgirl: It's a racket. I shall lead you.

    Jeff: When I read your comment, the laugh I emitted scared The Missus.

    Ed: Together, we shall overcome. Also, no, I assure you, this was done in the privacy of my own home.

    Jennifer: If you'd like to show your support by sending me a check...........

    Statgirl: Aren't you glad you don't have to see that every day? Think of The Missus. No, it was her shirt.

    Jeanette: I hope you're not cleaning vomit off the monitor!

    Tamara: I keeps it real.

  10. AHAHAHAHAHA OMY I just choked on my coffee. I'm gonna send this to my brother in law, he says the same thing (he's a big dude, BIG) Classic, now I know why I follow your blog.

    PS the thumbs up just makes it awesome

  11. PS Yes I did mean to say OMG and for that I should be shot, the fact that I didn't spell OMG right means I should be shot 2x's

  12. Secret Agent: I hope he enjoys. Tell him to follow me. If he's a fellow fatty, tell him I have cookies. Also, I'll allow the OMG mix up. Spellcheck, on the other hand, may knock at your door.

    Kid Funk: I'm not proud. I said that.

  13. Hey Man, lead the movement! I have some extra padding around the middle... but my biggest problem is I have a unusually long upperbody, so if I try and wear anything smaller then XXL, it's almost guaranteed to be a belly top.

    Same thing with jeans, I usually have to go up a size or two to get 34 inch length, when the most common is 30 or 32 length. Where's the love for the bigger people?!

  14. I love you for this. No, really.

    But Jeff's comment just killed me. I'm still wiping energy drink off my monitor and keyboard. You guys are the awesomest.

    And I have the same issue, but not only that, why is it that the makers of women's plus-size clothing can't seem to grasp the concept that a woman who wears a size 14-16 just may...MAY...have breasts larger than a B-cup? Just sayin'.

  15. Oh, and apologies to the Missus for bringin up disrespect, honest!


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