Wednesday, September 16, 2009

This Has Got To Stop...

I've had it. I'm sick of it, I'm tired of it, this is gonna keep me up nights. Would you like me to tell you what it is?

This is what it is:


Yup. I'm tired of it. It's ridiculous, it's racist, it's stereotypical, and it's wrong! What if I just had a glandular problem? What if I have really big bones? What if I got stung by a wasp a long time ago and the swelling hasn't gone down?!?!? Should I have to pay extra for my shirts just because I may or may not have a fat ass?

Fellow fatties, today is the day we take charge. Let us rise as (a really heavy) one and combat these flat bellied shirt makers that think it takes an extra 2 bucks to make our shirts bigger! You and I both know that money is not going to that poor little 6 month old Vietnamese girl who is stitching them up for 35 hours a day! You're still giving that little girl 2 cents an hour! With no dental! This is wrong, fellow fatties, and it has to be dealt with.

Here is what I propose. All of us fat people need to start wearing larges. Or mediums. Here is what I think will happen. Those pompous flat bellies will see our bulging out wobbly bits, and they will be so disgusted, they will eventually concede that our shirts should cost the same as theirs! This next part is not for the weak of heart or stomach. You've been warned.

I've taken the liberty of giving you an example, and I'm sorry.


Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go order a pizza.

(Note to reader: I really am sorry that you had to see this, but I needed to make a drastic point. I'm not proud of what I've done, but I am proud of what the result can be. And yes, The Missus had to help me take this off.)