I have told you some stories about my younger brother, The Groom. I call him The Groom because he just recently got married. One day, I suppose I'll make a new name for him. As of now, though, he's The Groom.
He's also a doucher.
This is why.
One night, I was outside shooting hoops. It was relatively dark, but we had a street light outside that lit up the court enough for me to see. I was around 18 at the time.
My dear sweet mother was outside gathering laundry from the clothesline. It was a normal night, and all was well.
I spotted movement out of the corner of my eye. I have always had pretty good vision. I can't hear, and I've essentially burned all the taste buds out of my mouth with various kinds of hot peppers and sauces, so really, vision is all I have left.
Someone was around the side of the house.
Someone dressed in a lot of black clothing.
Someone in a mask.
SOMEONE HOLDING A F*CKING GUN!
I was a real trusting person. I had never experienced crime of any kind, and I thought that this was probably just a friend at first. However, when I saw the gun, I went nuts vajay.
I said, "Who are you? What are you doing here? Who are you?! MOM RUN! RUN! RUN!"
And I proceeded to run all the way around the house, pretty much like the biggest pansy you've ever seen in your life.
About this time, I hear laughing. I stop, wondering why anyone would be laughing at a time like this, and turn around. Upon turning around, I see The Groom, sans ski mask, standing there with his BB pistol, laughing like he'd just been told the funniest joke ever.
My mom? She never stopped taking clothes down.
I walked inside, and I grabbed the keys to my truck.My mom had made it back to the porch by then, and I stormed out of the house with my keys, she asked, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to kill your son."
I got in my truck, gunned it, and I chased The Groom down the block. I'm gonna give him credit, he's pretty agile. After realizing that I couldn't run him down, I gave up for the time being. I was mad for days. However, it once again proved that I am not any kind of hero at all.
I can only hope that having kids changes all that.
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