Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The Life And Times Of One Travis Sloat.

****UPDATE****
You have until 11:59 PM of November 18th to get to 46 comments. I don't really know why I'm even doing this, because it's obvious you won't make it!!! Suck it, bloggy readers!

So I'm gonna be pretty lame today.

"Hey. Isn't he always pretty lame?"

Shut your whore mouth.

Anyway, I've had a busy Novemeber, and I just thought you might want to hear about it.

Novemeber 1st was my birthday. I turned 27. Since most of the men in my family die at 40, this means I have 13 years left to live. A lot of people get upset when I talk like that. I still don't understand why. I guess maybe they want my fat ass around a little bit longer, and I'm okay with that. Thanks.

Anyway, November 1st also started something called "No Shave November." It's something that one of the colleges in Oklahoma claims to have started. Either way, I decided to participate in it. The Missus, being the lady that she is, decided she didn't want to walk around with a husband that looked as if he had pubic hairs glued to his face. Which is what my "beard" happens to look like. So she started a new tradition in our home called, "No Sex November." I made it to the 12th. I don't really even remember why I held out that long. I'm an idiot.

I've been busy on my novel. Last count, I was at 25k and some change. I made it to that by the halfway deadline, so I was proud of myself. I haven't written in two days though. I've just been contemplating the ending and how I want to wrap things up. I'll start again soon.

My Duke Blue Devils started their season. They are 2-0, and I'm excited. We have a bunch of tall skinny white boys on the team that look as if at some point during the season, I might be able to call them monsters. I don't think it's a National Championship team yet, but I do know that Ed over at Ed's Funny Pages will be wearing a Duke cap come March.

I broke up two fights here at the school last Friday morning. The first one between two boys, the second between two girls. In the boys fight, the one I grabbed looked down at me and said, "Get your fuckin hand off my chest." Then he saw who I was. His temporary moment of insanity cleared up, and just in time. That was the extent of my injuries. The girls fight? Oh, I'm glad you asked. We just said, "Hey, gals? Can we break this up? And they stopped and hugged and cried and had popcorn and watched Twilight together. It was so sweet. Yeah... I'm lying. You know how I'm always talking about punching someone in the throat or neck? That happened to me. Upon restraining one of the girls in the fight, the other one got loose FROM TWO FREAKIN TEACHERS, and punched me twice in the neck and once in the throat. Yeah. Do you have any idea how hard it is to not punch someone who has just punched you in the throat?!? I do.

I learned yesterday that no matter how funny that you think racism in the state of Kentucky is, not everyone is going to find it as funny as you. I guess we've not yet reached a point in this great country where pointing out someones backwards way of thinking is funny, but we can damn sure make fun of Jesus all the time. Talk about a comment killer. Hell, I had to double check my following to see if they were still there. But then, everyone showed up and loved my video blog, but hated Nic Cage. Note to self. Nic Cage and racism are bad blogging topics.

Speaking of followers, I picked up 3 new ones yesterday with that vlog! That's exciting stuff! I'd like to welcome you all to the fold, and I just want you to know that any Kool-Aid offered to you is sure to be poison free. That ain't how I roll.

I'm wicked ready for New Moon. Yeah, I know that makes me gay. But guess what? I totally have the chance to have sex with a woman tonight. So does that make me gay? Yeah, chances are, I'll say something to ruin it, but that's just because I'm a man.

I guess I'll leave you alone. Told you it wouldn't be funny today, but I have a challenge for you. Let's rise to it! I asked the question a while back "What song would you want stuck in your head for the rest of your life?" I asked you not to answer that in the comments, but in an email to me to be part of something that may or may not go down as the biggest fail since Palin hooked up with that grizzly bear that told her "he had connections, so she would win for sure." Anybeastiality, I now want you to answer that question in the comments! Let's see how many people respond! If you came over from Facebook, you can leave one anonymously! Lets set a goal, shall we? 93 followers on blogger, 61 on Facebook, taking into account that Facebook people never comment, 93 and 61 is 154, lets say, 30% of that. That's 46 comments!

I want 46 comments, people. You can do it. Show me you can! The question is, "What song would you want stuck in your head the rest of your life?"

Go!

P.S. I love you guys, I really do. If I get 46 comments on this blog, all by different people, I promise you this. I will take suggestions on something humiliating for me to do on film, and post it here on this blog. That is my oath to my readers. Let's see if you can do it.