Thursday, December 31, 2009

My New Years Resolution.

Well, the year is ending.

As far as years go, it's been pretty lame. But I can tell you this, it has been a HELL of a lot better than last 2008. I was so happy that 08 was over, I did a little dance last New Years.

A lot of people would say that this year was pretty bad because of all the money things, but I have to tell you, when you start out broke and finish broke, the stock market crashing isn't something you notice.

Either way, there was something I did gain in '09.


I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but yeah. I did.

My body and mind hashed this out the other day, and I'm going to give you a snippet of the conversation.

Mind: Hey. Fatass.
Body: What up?
Mind: You see how I just called you fatass and you responded?
Body: Dang. I did, huh?
Mind: You did. Listen. Either way, we're going on a diet.
Body: Like hell we are.
Mind: I'm serious. You have a problem, and it's getting worse.
Body: You have a problem.
Mind: Really? You're gonna do this again? Can't we just talk about it?
Body: You're gonna do this again.
Mind: Well, I'm still going to say my piece. We're going on a diet, and it's going to be drastic.
Body: No. We're not. You're gay. How drastic?
Mind: All liquids, very low calorie.
Body: No man. Liquid? Like shakes and stuff? Like milkshakes? Egg nog, maybe?
Mind: Not at all. Like, 800 calories a day.
Body: Do you know that we normally eat about 4000?
Mind: Trust me, I know.
Body: Do you know that's like a bazillion less?
Mind: It's not quite tha...
Mind: Geez. It's a lot. I know.
Body: No. We won't do it. I will cause a mutiny down here, you don't even know. I will make you shit yourself. In public.
Mind: No you will not.
Body: I will. Twice, if you want to push me.
Mind: Just so you know, you won't be able to do that if I'm drinking all liquids.
Body: Hard ons.
Mind: What?
Body: I will give you so many embarrassing hard ons. In crazy places. Just set foot in a church. I dare you.
Mind: Listen. It's gonna happen. We're doing it.
Body: Just try, you smart ass sumbitch.

So yeah, that's kind of how it went down.

I have one goal in the new year. To lose 145 pounds. And I'm going to do it with no surgery. I'm actually going to try diet and exercise for the first time in my life.

I really don't know what I'll do if even accomplish half that goal.

But I need y'alls support. For the first six weeks of 2010, I won't be eating at all. Yogurt, Slim-Fast (probably the cheap Wal-Mart brand of it because I'm broke) and broth for six weeks. If I can't do that, I might as well just go jump off a cliff. That's real.

Food is an addiction to me, and I'm going to cure that addiction.

I plan on blogging my diet adventures with you. It may not be pretty, but for sure, I have a goal, and I will meet it. My goal for those first 6 weeks? 60 pounds.

I have said it before and I'll say it again. I have the most loyal followers in the world, and I'm expecting your support here! Don't bail on me now! I love you guys!

Happy New Year to you all, and may the next year and next decade be filled with faith, family, love and riches beyond your wildest dreams. And then may you share them with me.

Oh yeah, and by the way, Ed and Moog's pick won by a landslide yesterday. So I'll be getting together with them, and I'll let you know what I'm going to do for the video in the new year!


  1. Hey Travis, good luck with the weight loss. Go easy though, if you shock your body too much you will be shitting yourself in public, private, and everywhere in between. Make sure you do it right, we are here for your support.

  2. I'm behind you all the way...unless you shit yourself!

  3. Best of luck, Travis.

    Just send all the food you'll be skipping over to me. I have the metabolism of a teenager. It's crazy..I've never been in better shape than I am right now at 41 and..

    That's not really helping, is it?

    You can do it, dude. We have faith in you.

    In the meantime, I'll be sending you my address so you can ship me those Big Macs.

    Happy New Year, brother.

  4. Dude you are a brave man. I mean seriously no one wants wood in church.

    Congrats on the goal though. Still have yet to hash out my resolutions. But I'll be rooting you on for sure!

  5. Travis you can do it man!! Even if it's not all in one year, in a year you will certainly be well on your way. It has taken me 2 yrs to lose 110 lbs, and well worth the sacrafice, it gets much easier with time. I wish you the best of luck. Happy New Year!

  6. Be careful on teh liquid thing hun. Have you thought about a complete body cleanse FIRST.. did you know you can lose weight when you clean your body of the toxins and parasites your walking around with.. AND that some of those parasites may actually be the cause of the foods you crave...

  7. I think my resolution should be to not read your blog at work. I can't hide the laughing out loud that I do!

    Good luck on your weight loss. We aren't gonna bail on you now, when you need us the most!

    I have lost 3 1/2 pounds since Christmas because I have been living on soup and crackers because of the stomach bug that has afflicted our house! I am seriously scared to eat anything else since I am the ONLY one who hasn't had it yet! (Fear is my motivation!)

    Have a safe and Happy New Year! I am so glad that I found your blog.

  8. are you gonna join us on "lose it, bitches"? a liquid diet would be waaaaaay better than shitting yourself in public. about the woody thing...yeah, i couldn't tell ya about that.

    i hope you're in touch with your doctor and he (or she) is monitoring you.

    good luck, travis!

  9. Good Luck with your weight loss. I'm jumping back on my treadmill again this next year too. It is time to really get in shape...
    hope you have a blessed and exciting NEW YEAR! 2010! YAHOO!

  10. Can I say eff you to Moooog? I'm with you - I'm goign to try and lose some weight and some debt. If I stop buying food I should accomplish both goals, no?

  11. No, no, no, not all liquid! The pounds always return, it' snot good for you! Eat, but healthy, lots of veggies and fruit and GASP- carbs... but GOOD ones! No diets, only life changes! (If you ask me, I say pack up the diary and kick it out of your life! Dairy=weight plus a crap ton of other stuff!). You can do it!!! Go you!

  12. I also plan on blogging about my New Year's Resolution, which is to develop a taste for olives. Check back in 365 days and we shall see who has won.

  13. You can do it!!! I totally said that like the guy in all those Adam Sandler movies..

    Good luck T Schiz I know you can do it!

  14. 1st.....LOL @ Carol & Mooooog.

    2nd.....We WON womething?!?! Sweet!

    3rd.....Good luck with the weight and food thing dude! I know you can do it. If I can quit putting tobacco in my mouth, you can stop putting food in yours. And I did! Yeah me, and Praise the Good Lord!

    4th........Have a Happy and Safe New Year, ya Fat Bastard! Hopefully that's the last time I'll be able to call you that. I love ya brother!

  15. Here for support, but I totally think your plan sounds like a recipe for disaster. Seriously, sounds like your trying too much, too fast. Not too mention it sounds like absolute torture. How can you do that psychologically? I agree with above comments, small lifestyle changes, baby steps. The goal is to get gradually improve your health. You said yourself, eating is an addiction, and you need to deal with that part of it...tell that to your mind! It's a big part of the problem. The body is just exhibiting the symptoms. I don't envy you, and I'm impressed by your motivation. I'll be here.--Oh yeah, once Doc Oz said the #1 reason men have issues that lead to Viagra?-belly fat. Don't really know much about Doc Oz, but I thought that was interesting. How's that for a pep talk?

  16. You said this about going an a liquid fucking diet:

    "If I can't do that, I might as well just go jump off a cliff. That's real."

    Because you think an all liquid diet is going to be EASY? I am behind you all the way, because my fat ass has gotten pretty enormous too. And I have done some really stupid stuff in the sake of losing weight. And I know Slimfast diets are not easy to stick to, so if you can't please don't be too hard on yourself and jump off a cliff. Have you considered low carb? My bro lost 60 pounds over the summer, and was able to stop taking his blood pressure meds.

  17. You can do it!! I'm with you on this one...I plan on getting my fat ass to a gym ASAP (well...after I get bombed tonight, eat hangover-fixing-greasy crap all weekend and sit on my ass until Monday). Happy New Year :)

  18. Dude you bust out with the best convos EVAH! I can't wait to read the ones between your mouth and your ass....

    Speaking of which...think of all the money your gonna save by NOT buying junk food! Seriously! Broth? Cheap...doritios? not as cheap....

  19. Feel free to include me in the support group. When I got married, I got fat for awhile...215 lbs was A LOT for me! I mean, I've always been busty/curvy, but I was never "heavy" I worked my butt off...lost 30....and then when I got divorced, I lost a bunch more. Not that I advocate divorce as a weight loss plan...just telling you what worked for me.

    The atkins diet really makes you drop weight fast...BUT you also might die of a coronary in the process with all the cheese, eggs and meat. Oh, and vegetables, but they aren't so bad.

    I'm here for ya T....just don't go getting an inappropriate hard-on's on me! ;)


  20. TravyG grab the Lose It Bitches! button. Liquid diet? I don't think that is healthy brotha man! I do not!!

    Please be healthy. Fruit(in moderation, sugars ya know) veggies (gasp, yes they are for eating) and whole grains!!!

    The point is to get healthy not kill yourself in the process or cause more health issues! :D

    You can do it! We will have the best support system in the blogoverse!!!

  21. Cardio. That's the only solution I can give you. I rode the stationary bike 20 miles, 5 times per week. Dropped 50 pounds. Still ate pizza and mac and cheese and everything else. Stopped drinking soda and beer, but everything else was still there. It's all about burning it, man. The only other thing I can tell you is that you have to do what I did and combine something you hate with something you love. Not food, though. Example: I hate, hate, hate exercising. So what did I do? I rode the stationary bike 20 miles a day while playing my Xbox 360. Something fast, like Halo. Not something where you have to go slow and pay attention. Halo was good for it.

    I have faith in you, TravyG. If I can do it, so can you.

    Happy New Year.


  22. Best of luck. This is an awesome goal. Can't wait to hear the whole story...including the happy ending!

  23. If it's support you need, I'm like Victoria Effin Secret! I lost 35 lbs a few years ago and kept it off. (Well, all but 4 lbs...but that's baby Jesus' fault.) I'm here for you buddy! Less do diss!!!

  24. I lost 45 pounds last year. And my best advice to you - DON'T go on a "diet". Slowly change your diet to healthier choices. It will last much longer than trying to "diet".

  25. i've got your back, sister. er, bro. whatever. *fist pump*

    forget about moooooog. send it all to me. my ass loves growing, i'm not gonna stop her.

  26. also, it might be a good idea to start with something like the master cleanse. it sounds gross, but there are different ways to incorporate teas (if you drink that shit) into it. check out, she did it safely and really well.

  27. Wow, good luck! You can do it! Don't starve yourself too much-- I'm a horrible motivator, I know. Anyway, do your best!

  28. Good Luck!! Sounds like you're going out hard, but sometimes you have to kick your own ass to get something done!
    Love the convo, you crack me up.

  29. not sure if you wanted me to share my faith, my family or both.

    either way, have a happy new year i'm rooting for you

  30. Think positive. You can do it!

  31. My plan was to quit drinking on New Year's Day. I'm starting to have serious second thoughts however. Watching the utter implosion of the country that I love so much has definite advantages from the vantage-point of the bottom of an empty vodka bottle. In fact it can be a lot of fun! Better to giggle when shit-faced than to weep with your faculties intact. The last ten years have been such an utter train wreck that it is difficult - if not impossible - to take it all in in any other condition than complete, alcohol-induced giddiness. When one is forced to witness the total decline of what used to be a grand civilization, it generally is a good rule-of-thumb to have an artificial stimulant at the ready. Heroin is too expensive and marijuana gives me terrible anxiety attacks. So make it one for my baby and one more for the road, Joe....

    Was that decade just a horrible nightmare? Of course I'm being facetious, but there were more-than-a-few times during during the last ten years - particularly during the time the Bush Mob was in power - that I would awaken suddenly in the middle of the night and say out loud,

    "Did I dream that?"
    "Is Bush seriously president?"
    "Did we actually invade Iraq?"
    "Are the Spice Girls really number one?"

    And a special tip of the old fedora to George W. Bush. Anyone who can make me nostalgic for the likes of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan has a certain talent, no doubt about it. His entire eight-year-reign seems almost surreal in hindsight. In a twisted and cynical paraphrasing of Charles Dickens, "It was the worst of times. It was the worst of times." What a long, strange trip it's been. As the great Hunter Thompson liked to say, "Buy the Ticket. Take the ride."

    Tom Degan
    Goshen NY

  32. My advice, Travis, is to start slow. Don't shock your body. I lost 55 pounds 2008 (i quit in 2009 because I got pregnant and had to take in lots of protein). I plan to continue on 2010. I started subtituting stuff. Like, I used to have bacon, eggs, hasbrowns, and buttered toast. I did turkey, eggs, no hasbrowns--fruit, and wheat toast no butter. It will suck the first two weeks, but once you are in it, your body will automatically follow your mind. I used to have a dougnut with my coffee every morning. I substituted for a wheat bagel with cream cheese. After a while you won't miss it. Leaving fast foods is the hardest; but you can even substitute there. The first thing I did was substitute soda for iced tea. Then iced tea for water. Now, I'm a water-holic! If you do these, you will shed pounds without working out. Once your body gets used to the new tastes, you can ease working out slowly. I gained 47 pounds with the pregnantcy. My goal is 60 pounds. I start today!! =( I ate like a pig yesterday because it was my last day of junk food. Good luck!!!!
    (sorry about the blogment)

  33. I know you can do it. And you can do it sensibly. Try 1500 calories and balanced diet (like a diabetic diet). My dad had a heart attack this year and was placed on this diet. He's lost 70 pounds in eight months and is still losing.

    I'm with you brother. I'm going to try to lose 40 and hope that the other 30 fall off just like my dad (whose body type I have).

  34. i have faith in you travis! =) ill have my mom keep you in line!

  35. Good luck to you! I went on the Medifast diet back when I was young and thinner than I am now. It was not easy. I have a food addiction too and am trying to kick it. Just don't pick up the crack pipe to compensate, m'kay?

    I hope you have a fantastic 2010! And a healthy one, too!


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