Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My Second Night At Work...

Some of you may know already.

I got a second job.

I'm not going to give you the name of the place, in case someone that works there winds up reading this. However, I'll tell you that it's a movie rental place.

Yeah, I work at a movie rental place.

It's a part time gig, for some holiday cash. And by holiday cash, I mean next years holidays. Being broke sucks about 8 different kinds of ass.

Anyway, my fist day went alright. The person I worked with was a little strange, and he wasn't even 21 yet, but I won't hold that against him. Had a bee in his bonnet about dark sci-fi stuff, and he wanted to write a book where the lead character had a lot of flaws, and used the quote, "Hollywood should be glad I'm not a writer. I have the perfect idea for a lead role."

Huh?

But yeah, I can deal with that. However, fast forward to night 2.

She went to school with me as a kid, but was older than me, so I never knew much about her. Anyway, she says, "I'm throwing you in the fire tonight. You're gonna do all the business yourself."

Alright.

We were busy, and shit got hoppin, and all the sudden I hear, "Oh my god, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

But they weren't talking to me. They were talking to my "trainer," who had smooth passed out on the floor, and was struggling into a sitting position.

Some people might have lost it there. But listen. I kept a cool head.

I kept right on helping customers.

That's right, bitches. I had a line.

I looked down at her and said, "You straight?" She kind of nodded. Or had a small seizure. I'm not sure.

But I just said, "Okay," and I kept helpin customers. Because of me not losing my cool, we came in 135% over budget on the day.

Turns out, she has some sort of hypoglycemia problem or something. Anyway, faints a lot. Like, just falls out. No warning, she just falls over.

I kind of think that should have been brought up on the first day, right?

"Listen Travis, the movies go left to right alphabetically, you should vacuum a bit after you close, the trash can is over here, oh, and the girl that works here sometimes falls over."

Right?

But that was overlooked. Damn HIPPA.

After that, we were about to close, and I was making small talk with a couple of the customers, making them laugh and what not. Imagine that, right?

Anygiggle, after they left, I said to her, "Hey, listen. I'm a joker and a comedian of sort. However, I know my limits and can tailor them to individuals."

She replied, "Yeah, be careful. You can make sexual harassment real easy."

SCREEEEEEEECH.

Cuse me?

Here I am, talkin about not making jokes to a customer not in the mood, and she's tellin me not to put them in THE mood by talking about whether or not there's any nudity in G-Force.

Oh, but it continued.

"One time, these guys stayed until the store was closed, and told me how hot my butt looked."

Ahem.

*polite chuckle*

Ahem.

Closing time couldn't come quick enough.

Other than that, I guess my only beef is that NO ONE brings their card with them to rent movies.

"Do you have your card?"
"Hell no. Why? Can't you just look it up? My last name is ...."
"Can you say that last name again please?"
"..."
"I'm sorry. I didn't hear you."
"IT'S SMITH! S-M-I-T-H! SMITH!"

Seriously people. Can we find a happy medium on the volume level? I mean, yeah, I may be a little deaf. But still. You don't have to yell. You say it medium the first time, and chances are, I'll nail it.

Anyway, welcome to my new job, and I'm sure it's going to provide a lot of material for you guys.

For those of you new followers that replaced the fair weather guys, I welcome you to my blog. Feel free to stick around, check out some other posts. Stay a while.

I picked up some rooks from Supah yesterday, so y'all homebodies play nice.

{Update at 11:15 PM. Yesterday, Twitter had a trending topic called, #youknowyourfat. Bad grammar aside, I felt I had to comment on this, based on a situation that arose the other day, that some of you know about, but most don't, and for good reason. It involves losing a couple of followers, and I refuse to send extra traffic their way. Cause they're stupid. Anyway, I typed a response to the trending topic. "I am horribly upset and offended, what if there was a #yourknowyourgay topic?" Sarcasm people. Sarcasm, because of the situation you don't know about. But basically, because I called something "gay," they decided to use "big unitelligent Okie" as an insult. Which is fine with me, because honestly, who wants to be that? Anyway, I get this response about ten minutes later from @datniggaBiGDub. It said, and I quote directly:

"bro if yur fat yur fat lol im big too bro haha bt shit if yu dnt luv yurself 2 tha max. . . how yu expect lil shawty to feel yu??"

I followed him immediately. Becaus that, my blog friends, is real.}

25 comments:

  1. I can't wait to hear the stories. I'm envisioning a sequel to Clerks :)

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  2. I had no idea there were even still movie rental places with Netflix and everything On Demand.

    Way to break into a blossoming market niche, there, Travis.

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  3. Are you my brother. Hmmm. probably. Funny shit. Seriously you and I could get in lots of T-R-O-U-B-L-E:) hehe

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  4. You are a true salesman following the saleman's creed......the customer always comes first.

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  5. Spitting my coffee on the screen this morning. Can NOT wait for more video store stories. I had an ex that worked at one, this could get really good real fast. And now I totally have to find you on twitter.

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  6. "bro if yur fat yur fat lol im big too bro haha bt shit if yu dnt luv yurself 2 tha max. . . how yu expect lil shawty to feel yu??"

    Ha ha!!!

    Blogger Pleeeze!

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  7. Being broke sucks about 8 different kinds of ass:
    Saggy ass
    Smelly ass
    Broke ass
    Plugged ass
    Sore ass
    Shit ass
    Fat ass
    Runny ass
    (Sorry T, couldn't help myself!)

    datniggabigdub - LMAO! Tell it like it is!

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  8. Whaa? Why are you tellin' da Supah patrol to play nice? Don't we look like we play nice? As long as you're not Ebay trying to steal money from a kid with cancer, we have no reason to play anything BUT nice....and as long as we....er, I mean I....don't have to be politically correct. And something tells me that's probably not a criteria here......

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  9. I worked in a movie store for several years. I was the GM for one of the locations. This was before scarface came out on DVD and about eleventy billion times a day some ghetto person would walk in and say "yo, you got scarface on dvd"? People are strange. I also loved it when people would come in and say "I'm looking for that movie with that guy who falls in love with that girl and they drive down that road in that car really fast"? Ughhhh.

    Have fun coming up with material :)

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  10. Customer service is pretty much the best source of writing material EVER. My facebook status updates are an endless stream of profanity-laden tirades about the dumbass people that I have to deal with on a daily basis.

    Oh, and Big Dub is totally just tellin' you what up, boo. Show them shawties how you do.

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  11. Pretty much that condition sounds like a good excuse to take a five minute nap. You know, the line gets too long, boom fall over take a five minute nap, all better.

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  12. Congrats.

    Hell, a few years back, when I wanted a parttime gig, I couldn't even get the local Blockbuster to hire me.
    I think they were intimidated by my vast movie knowledge.

    Sounds like your co-worker needs to wear a helmet.
    Of course, it sounds like it might already be too late, as she obviously has head trauma.

    I told ya bro, be proud of your fat.

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  13. HAHAHAHA....she FELL OVER!! Oh that's a VidStore for ya..always something exciting....

    wait til you get the drunk guys in the porn room...or the PRIEST in the porn room on Sunday morning! that's always an interesting morning!

    ~hl~
    {www.hoscorners.blogspot.com}

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  14. Note to self:

    Become BFF's with the dude that said "lil shawty" ASAP!

    Travis you get points from me for not laughin yer ass off when that broad fell over cause not for nothing, I woulda..

    PS: Bein fat is like havin a built in snuggie what could be better then that?!?!?

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  15. BigSis: I guess I'm gonna have to watch that movie...

    Moog: Listen. I'm gonna single handedly bring it back. You wait.

    V: You drivin? I'm ready.

    Matty: I lasted 3 weeks in cars. Geez... I was terrible.

    T: I just...had this image in my head. You know? Like, I wanted to hug the guy.

    Kelly: Come find me, bish. Oh. And this might help. @tstyles77

    Carol: You remembered the kinds of asses! How sweet!

    PoS: You'd be correct in that assumption. Hell, you're a newbie though. Or at least a new follower. I was telling my vets to be nice to YOU!

    Jenn: I wish I could be a GM. That'd be so cool.

    kate: You wanna find me on FB? I'd love to subscribe to that!

    Cassie: Have I been had? Damn, I didn't even think of that! I sense a "condition" in my near future...

    Ed: Maybe I'll get her a helmet for Christmas. But I doubt it. I need this job. As far as my fat, I be epically proud. I just wish there wasn't so MUCH.

    HL: They got rid of their porn room just before I got hired. I asked immediately. You know. For...ahem...security reasons.

    K: You used the term "broad" in a comment. Dang. I love you. And seriously. I'd like it iffen the Snuggie wasn't SO BIG.

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  16. 8 different kinds
    that a lot of kinds

    this should be a goldmine for you
    looking forward to future postings

    ooohhhh....that was areally good comment.
    i should get some sort of prize...

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  17. That was hysterical! I just about lost it at "she knodded or had a small seizure"! Thanks for the morning laugh! :)

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  18. Perhaps she caught a glimpse of her HAWT ASS in the mirror and passed out from the awesome?

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  19. Naw, you dont listen when people talk.

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  20. Damn straight, Big Dub.

    And sorry, I never bring my card either.

    MERRY CHRISTMAS!

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  21. Nodded - had a small seizure. Same dif.

    Merry Christmas!

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  22. What should bother me most about this post? I totally smooth read through what @datniggaBiGDub said and understood it...the first time...without blinking...

    I can't wait for more video store stories...

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  23. I confess that I don't bring my card anymore, because the clerks are so used to people not bringing their cards that they don't even look to see me holding it out for them and just ask me for my phone number anyway. Plastic adds up, and if they're never going to look at it I'm not hauling it around.

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  24. funny shit

    but seriously, I have so many cards in my wallet and can't keep the movie rental one. I just want you to look it up.

    nudity in G-Force... classic brothuh!

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  25. I agree, I bet you'll have lots of material from this job.

    Like when my teenager and his two friends thought it would be funny to got get a Spiderman movie all dressed up as superheroes. I drove them and told them I didn't think it was a good idea, but I didn't stop them. The manager waited until they were all standing by me and said, "You know, ma'am, wearing masks on another other day than Halloween is illegal. It doesn't bother me, but they may want to take their gear off before going anywhere else."

    I don't I've seen my son or his friends move so fast before than night.

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