(Hey y'all! It's TMI Thursday! This little bad boy was created by the ever popular blog cool chick LiLu, who happens to have more of these types of stories over at her blog. Just click on the picture of those two old people clearly enjoying what was an accidental Viagra overdose.)
Well folks, it's that time of the week. TMI Thursday.
I was kind of struggling for something to write about this week, and sat down to rewrite "Twas The Night Before Christmas," for my good buddy Ed who's going to have a vasectomy tomorrow. However, the words wouldn't come, and I went to bed thinking I'd type it this morning. As it turns out, I didn't need to.
Apparently, my cash and prizes can type. Now, I'll admit, when I saw the spelling and grammar mistakes in this, I about went apeshit. However, any punishment delivered to my nether regions will directly affect me as a consequence. So I just gave them a stern talking to, (in the shower, so The Missus wouldn't catch me talking to them) and told them that they were gonna do a bit more paying attention at school.
They pleaded with me to make sure Ed got this letter, and I don't think I can deny them that. I tell you what though, this is the last time I'll sleep with the laptop in bed. You see, in addition to this letter, apparently they typed a little something up for Jessica Alba, and SOMEHOW sent it to her. I don't know how, but for sure, I got a call from her attorney this morning, and HE. WAS. PISSED.
You ever used the excuse, "My balls did it?"
It doesn't work. And they didn't bother to type me up a little something for the legal counsel that I'm going to need.
Anyway, without further ado, I give you: My ball's letter to Ed.
this is litle travis and his testacals. wer'e reel sorry for whats abowt to hapen. we herd about it from travis. we cant imigane the pain and sufuring yur going thru. we dont think yu shood take it. we r sending yu sum plain tikits and sum mony. he dosnt no wer'e sending yu this EMAIL. THE LETRS GOT BIG AL THE SUDEN. HANG ON. ok. fixd it. neway, plez run away wen yu sea the sclaple salcple scelple big nife. it is going to cut yu and mak yu bleeds. then they wil tye yur juce tubes togother and mak yu not be albe tu hav the baibes. i hav herd of this befour form ohtr testacals. it iz vrey bad. come hoam and tel yur wife taht yu had itz dun. then uze the pul out methid frm hear on out. she wheel nevre no. aim four the boobs. if it cant bee avoyded, pleze no taht wee r tinking abowt yu and wish yu teh vrey best. sory four al teh spleling mizteaks. this is 2 tyme weve dun this. the 1 tyme wuz too mizter bobbit. we r hopping tings do beter four yu.
litle travis and teh simbols
Ed, buddy, I'm very sorry in advance. I hope the words from my bits were comforting to you, but listen.
I really need that money and those tickets back. The sumbitches apparently know how to use a credit card, and Visa isn't buying the "My balls did it" excuse either.
To everyone else, let's leave Ed a little sympathy in the comments, eh?
By the way, Brandee over at Think Tank Momma did a lil sumthin sumthin for Ed today too! Go check it out!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
TMI Thursday: Yes, I Have Balls That Can Write...
I'm a husband, father, son, brother, and friend. I teach English and Literature to the youth of today. I love Jesus and my mother, and I'll gladly introduce you to both. I love photography and writing. Duke basketball keeps me occupied for half the year, and hating Chapel Hill keeps me busy the other half. As you can tell from the title of my blog, I like stories. I'm a big guy with a big voice, trying desperately to be heard by someone before The Lord takes me home. Let's be best friends.