Thursday, January 28, 2010

TMI Thursday: It's Been A Big Week...

Folks, it's TMI Thursday time with the one and only Lilu over at LivitLuvit. She's a peach of a gal that really does her best to get everyone on the internet to do something embarrassing or nasty on Thursdays, and so far, she's done a good job. This is my contribution this week. If you want more of this, please for the love of all that is holy and pure, click the picture of those old people having more fun than you did last night. 
TMI Thursday

Well, this week's TMI will be short and sweet.

The thing is, it's been sort of a "big" week for me.

You know.

"That" kind of big.

As in, maybe I should think about switching to 2 a day bowel movements.

Here's why.

Actually, wait. Let's talk about why they don't make toilets with bigger holes in them. Why don't they? I mean, surely they know that there are people like me out there that might on occasion have really big extra helpings of nachos and then have all that compress in their colon to something roughly the size of junior varsity football, don't they? While we're at it, why don't they widen the pipes, too? If I ever build a house, it will have pipes the size of a subway system. When I flush a toilet in that house, I want to have to wonder if I've been pink socked. I want to have to hold onto a bar above my head that has to have at least as many steel bolts in it as they're always braggin that the Ford F150 does. I want the neighbors six houses down to say, "Geez. It must be taco night at the Sloat's." Is that too much to ask?

Okay. So now. Here's why.

I've taken a dump in 3 different toilets this week, and I've clogged ALL of them.

My house, the school, and my dear, sweet mother's.

I felt kind of bad about that last one.

I think I'm going to have to start eating less.

Is there a discreet way to use a plunger? How come it always sounds like you're driving an 18 wheeler through a heavily flooded china shop on the "quiet" side of town?

Well, the week's not up, so I'm going to try to go 4 for 4 today.

Wish me luck!

Anyone want to invite me over to let me take a shot at immortality?

37 comments:

  1. My first comment on a blog- apparently this is something near and dear to my heart.
    TOTO brand toilets. several models, look them up. Ordered one on Amazon about two years ago and it. has. changed. my. life. My son and I are of the category "extreme poopers" and I've been clogging toilets my whole life. The 5 yr old poops half his body weight daily. We have not used a plunger yet. I cannot stress enough what an investment this was.

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  2. Great visual as I'm eating my granola bar.

    FYI..it always helps the flushing if you scream "RELEASE THE KRACKEN!" as you do it.

    Give that a shot.

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  3. Maybe you should live in a trailer, like I do. I just step on a pedal, and a hole opens up. Everything falls down the hole like little Alice in Wonderland. We have an "upscale" model, so our toilet features a "sprayer" on the side of the toilet to help things move along and not to leave skid marks. I can't believe I am talking about shit with another man. I talk SHIT to another man, but not ABOUT shit. Huh, this day is starting out weird.

    How funny. My TMI Thursday is about PEE. Maybe we are TOO MUCH ALIKE!!

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  4. I don't think it has anything with how MUCH you eat. My little boy barely enough to sustain a fly and is constantly plugging up the toilet.

    The bar in the ceiling is a great idea.

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  5. You stay home. You stay away from my potty. Damn male people. Always cloggin up mine. And the most infernal thing is when my bro comes over, he not only fills that son of a bitch, but NEVER flushes! Grosses damn shit I ever seen. Then I flush it and it threatens to spit at me, and I'm all gaggin and fearful that I have to clean up somebody elses shit. Oh dear god in heaven. It's the worse....

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  6. You are that guest who comes over clogs up the toilet in the guest bathroom and leaves it aren't you?

    Whew! I have low water pressure. Better not come here! :D

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  7. We used to have a friend that we noticed the toilet was always clogged after this person left.

    Now I know what causes this phenomenon. I've never come across this information before. I love how educational the Internet is.

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  8. Either than or drop your deuces at truck stops. They have water pressure aplenty.

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  9. You aren't one of those people who uses enough paper to TP the trees in front of that one junior varsity baseball coach's house who never let you start, are you?

    If not, the only other thing I can suggest is the mid-transaction pinch off and courtesy flush.

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  10. My first "grown up" apartment was a highrise built sometime in the 40's. When they remodeled the bathrooms, they put in toilets that looked like the kind you would find in a high school bathroom, but with a flush that could skin a person if you stayed sitting down to long. That thing was incredible. You could empty a full laundry basket in there and *WOOSH* it would be gone. Move there, dude. You'll never plunge again.

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  11. LMAO!! I've been clogging up my toilet downstairs all these week because I'm taking this cleansing thing that lasts two weeks. :(

    I feel great, but my toilet is taking a big hit.

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  12. LoL @ pink sock! Ok, gross story . . . I would spend summers in Mexico at my uncle's. His kids took such big shits he kept a machete next to the toilet so they could cut their shit into pieces. I never had to use it . . . I take dainty shits . . .

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  13. I don't know what scares me and concernes memore. the fact you shared this with us OR the fact that I am not the least bit bothered byt his apparent information instead I find myself nodding knowingly.. Mainly because I live in a house with 3 boys and a hubby who all crap their weight in a toilet.. at least once if not twice a day. We keep 3 plungers on hadn at all times and I never plunge .. IF they did it they can plunge it except for the little guy he doesn't have the strength lol.

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  14. I can't believe you don't know why the toilet pipes are so small! I thought everyone knew! It's to keep the giant mutant alligators that live in the sewer system from crawling up the pipes into your house. Sheesh.

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  15. Google super toilets. There is some crazy shiz out there!

    My hubs will only go at home and has to use the occassional cursory flush!

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  16. ok...the toilet at my house is like uncloggable...trust me, everyone of us has tried...

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  17. Coming from a girl that always clogged her boyfriend (and shockingly, now husband)'s toilet: There is NO discreet way to use a plunger.

    You just got suck it up and act proud of your masterpiece.

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  18. Dude. Maybe you need an outhouse! You don't have to worry about flushing, and there is always enough room!

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  19. You and my husband have a lot in common. His bathroom was a hideous pink monstrosity that he refused to remodel because he is scared of switching to low flow toilets.

    I had it remodeled anyway and gave him his own plunger. *shudders*

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  20. @Meeko: "Dainty" shits? WTF! That's because it's always packed so tightly.

    Seriously Travis, you need more fiber intake. Or eat less in general. It's simple Math really. Too much in, too much out.

    Either that, or try a Pressure Assisted Flush Toilet. Those TOTO's are awesome.

    If that doesn't work, start carrying a 5 gallon bucket and a canteen of diesel fuel. Then you can just lite that shit up afterwards, Military latrene style.

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  21. Perhaps my daughters have learned from you, then. They are the queens of toilet clogging in our house!! (they even rival hubs)

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  22. THREE toilets in a week?

    That's impressive, dude.

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  23. THREE toilets in a week?

    That's impressive, dude.

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  24. LMAO!
    yes yes yes.....that WAS entirely TMI! LOL
    I must have good flow in my toilet because I don't even OWN a plunger.
    hmmmmmmmm
    either that or I take dainty shits like Meeko!

    you are NOT welcome to visit my house! ;-)

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  25. First of all.....eeeewwwwww!

    Second, I'm afraid to ask, but what is "pink socked"?

    Third...eeeeewwwwww gross!

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  26. i'd go for a toilet a day for a week.

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  27. Get the stomach flu - it'll come out like water and then you won't have clogging issues

    There

    Problem solved!

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  28. I don't know whether to be disgusted or impressed...

    ...kind of how I feel like when I'm looking at your mom.

    *rimshot

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  29. Try modifying a hamburger meat grinder and hang it on the toilet seat. Then grind away and get those spaghetti strings. They flush easier.

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  30. OK- So I have to say that the comments are just as entertaining as the post. :) Do you also rate your poops like my husband does? As in . . . Annie, whew! That was an A+ sh*t! Top of the line, I'm telling you. It has become a daily ritual!

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  31. jeezuss effing...
    wow
    that IS TMI
    and now i know what pink-socked is
    thanks travis
    thank you kind sir

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  32. Wow. This kinda is TMI.

    And I have no idea what pink socked even is. And I dont think I want to know!

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  33. you need a jumbo sized airplane toilet. Something that makes your ears pop when you flush it.

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  34. Seriously dude...waaaaay to much information.

    Or else make it a game and shout TIMMMMMBER as it falls...(cos it's a, you know, log....I can't believe I'm commenting on poo)

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  35. It's not the quantity but the quality. Are we talking corn? Snakelike? Green? Your public must know.

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  36. First of all, I just laughed my ASS OFF at the paragraph about bigger pipes. FOR REAL. You'd think someone would have thought of that by now. They do make those uber toilets now that can supposedly flush bath towels. That I would like to try. But the hole is still the same. The G-forces in that sucker must be phenomenal.
    Oh, and you are more than welcome to take your shot at immortality over here. Mi toilet es su toilet.

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  37. That dude up there that commented is correct. Toto toilets are awesome! I'm thinking of selling my plunger on Ebay now that we don't need it anymore....

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