Well, this week's TMI will be short and sweet.
The thing is, it's been sort of a "big" week for me.
"That" kind of big.
As in, maybe I should think about switching to 2 a day bowel movements.
Actually, wait. Let's talk about why they don't make toilets with bigger holes in them. Why don't they? I mean, surely they know that there are people like me out there that might on occasion have really big extra helpings of nachos and then have all that compress in their colon to something roughly the size of junior varsity football, don't they? While we're at it, why don't they widen the pipes, too? If I ever build a house, it will have pipes the size of a subway system. When I flush a toilet in that house, I want to have to wonder if I've been pink socked. I want to have to hold onto a bar above my head that has to have at least as many steel bolts in it as they're always braggin that the Ford F150 does. I want the neighbors six houses down to say, "Geez. It must be taco night at the Sloat's." Is that too much to ask?
Okay. So now. Here's why.
I've taken a dump in 3 different toilets this week, and I've clogged ALL of them.
My house, the school, and my dear, sweet mother's.
I felt kind of bad about that last one.
I think I'm going to have to start eating less.
Is there a discreet way to use a plunger? How come it always sounds like you're driving an 18 wheeler through a heavily flooded china shop on the "quiet" side of town?
Well, the week's not up, so I'm going to try to go 4 for 4 today.
Wish me luck!
Anyone want to invite me over to let me take a shot at immortality?