I think I was 14. It's hard to remember, and I've tried to mostly block it from my mind.
It was also on a band bus.
It's here that I'd like to take the opportunity to say a few words to the parents whose kids want to play the trumpet, the saxophone, the clarinet, or if they're chunky, the tuba.
It's cool and all, until a band trip.
For some reason, little Johnny or Kate, most notably Kate, will be an incredible child and a great role model until they get on a band bus. Then the magic happens.
Innocent young teens go abso-fucking-lutely apeshit. It's the hormones.
I made out with a black chick on a band bus. And I just want to take an aside from the aside and say that when you get made out with by a black chick, you STAY made out with. That shit is EPIC.
Anyway, parents, I suggest you think twice about letting little Johnny and Kate go to Six Flags with the band on a "band trip."
You remember the first American Pie where that weird wicked hot chick from How I Met Your Mother talks about shovin a flute up her axe wound?
Yeah... That shit happens for realsies.
Anyboob, we're on a band trip, and we're playing truth or dare.
It get's to Kate* and she takes dare. Well, my buddy looked at me and said, "Have you ever seen tits before?"
"Well then, Kate, I dare you to flash Travis."
Let me tell you about Kate. They called Kate "Loppy." I didn't know why. I was a young, innocent child, with very little in the way of sexual knowledge, unless you count getting girls to touch my penis by telling them it was a spider.
I soon found out why they called her Loppy.
I was expecting a bra flash, something I'd seen before, and wasn't real impressed with.
I got the real deal. I got the full monty. I got...Tha Bidness.
She flipped the bra up, and out fell two of the weirdest looking boobies I've seen TO THIS DAY. Folks, it was insane. I've taken the liberty of using MS Paint to illustrate what I saw:
CAUSE I WAS LOOKIN AT MY FIRST PAIR OF REAL FEET!