Thursday, January 14, 2010

TMI Thursday: Yes, I HAVE Looked At Lady Gaga's Vajay.

Folks, it's TMI Thursday time with the one and only Lilu over at LivitLuvit. She's a peach of a gal that really does her best to get everyone on the internet to do something embarrassing or nasty on Thursdays, and so far, she's done a good job. This is my contribution this week. If you want more of this, please for the love of all that is holy and pure, click the picture of those old people having more fun than you did last night. Wait. "holy and pure" and TMI Thursdays should never even be mentioned together in the same POST let alone the same sentence. Aw, just go see her. 

TMI Thursday

That title is gonna kill my traffic. I know it is.

However, the other day, I was tasked with finding out if Lady Gaga is a man or not.

Who is Lady Gaga?

If you asked that question, I'm going to make a recommendation.

I'd like to to feel around for your head. Chances are, it's in your ass, and you need to remove it. If that's the case, then talk to your doctor about some sort of emergency surgery, or talk to any Chapel Hill fan about living with it there. They all know about leading a full healthy life with their heads in their asses.

Now that we have that worked out, on with the post.

When I was asked to make my decision the other day, I was in a classroom subbing. I immediately put this up to a vote for the kids, because let's face it, anything I was having them do was less important.

The vote was simple. Raise your hand if you think she's a man, and then raise your hand if you think she's a woman.

I have to say, when you have to force a kid to vote just to break a tie, the chances are you need to do more about proving to the world that you are, in fact, a lady.

She squeaked by on the thinnest margin of estrogen, with a vote of 5-4 for the lack of a Y chromosome.

That's too close, folks.

So I went into my research.

I was talking with Jeff from Badly Drawn Monsters yesterday, and I used the phrase "I've had my face buried in her business all day." Followed immediately by "I would totally get in that to look for a penis."

He stopped talking to me.

Folks, I've been through a lot of different media the past couple of days looking for the ol' stick and berries on the "it" in question, and I have to say, I can't find either.



Send the pictures to...wait.

Wait.


Yeah, there have been some lumps, but not "sugar lumps." Ya know what I mean?

I hope you clicked that link. I love that band.

They could be lady time lumps, or bunched up underwear lumps, or thanks to new knowledge given to me by Lauren at (Mis)Adventures In Theatre recently, maybe something called ben-wa balls. Thanks for that, Lauren.

*shudder*

Anytestes, from hereto and forthwith, let it be known that on this date, the day of our Lord, I, Travis Sloat, do hereby pronounce the singer known as Lady Gaga, to be a woman. And not only a woman, but a woman I would take home, pour a glass of wine, turn on some Marvin, light a fire, talk about some musical business things for a while, buy a bearskin rug, lay her down on that bearskin rug, ask her nicely to not make her next costume out of my new bearskin rug, and then make the sweet, sweet, maybe ruin my new bearskin rug but it's okay because I just got Lady Gaga pregnant and she can buy me a new one love to her.

That's real.

P.S. She can't be a woman. She just can't. Want to know why? Have you ever seen Maury Povich, and he's got those people on there, you know the ones, the ones that look like women, but might be a man? And you don't want to rub one out while they're on the screen because they might turn out to be a man and you'd wonder for the rest of your life whether or not you're gay because you fired off some knuckle children at a man. For sure, let's just say I've already "invested" some of that time into pictures and video of Lady Gaga. So. She's not a man. Why? Because I don't masturbate to pics of dudes. 


That's real. 


God, I hope that's real. 

39 comments:

  1. Perhaps she is a "grower" not a "show-er"

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  2. bwahahahaha I was gonna say something similar to Griffin!! LOL!

    Maybe she's got herself a wee little button that only peeks out when stimiluted. And due to some chromozone being misplaced, say she just ain't got the berries on the outside, but the inside...Like some hermies do...(okay, so I've done some research on hermies...what? don't judge me..I'm a writer and it had something to do with a story.) So anyway, that's my vote. I vote, she's both.

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  3. I didn't so much stop talking to you as just became very concerned for you. I just think bad things happen to anyone foolish enough to stick important body parts near her nether region of doom.

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  4. You don't masturbate to pics of dudes?

    Man.

    Now I have to change all that stuff I wrote about you in the men's room.

    Your phone number is still the same though, right?

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  5. Have you ever seen RuPaul's Drag Race? My gay roommate used to watch that show ALL. THE. TIME. Anydrag, all of the queens had special underwear that they'd put on if they were wearing something snug in the crotchal region and, dude, it would be like there was never a dong at all! Just *poof* no lumps. Crazy shit.

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  6. Ok Trav I love ya enough to sit ya down and explain that just because you can't see it doesn' mean it doesnot exist. Are you aware that a man can completely hide his penis in himself?? OH yeah big boy you can tuck that sucker IF ya know how to do it.. It can nestle safely inside you and NO ONE would ever know.. there is a little gap in a certain area that enables a man to relax and ahem tuck his man parts inside his body without strain or pain... sooo odds are good you are doing th do to a pic of a mary tom he/she..

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  7. LMFAO Knuckle Children! Really??!

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  8. Really? You have waaaay more time on your hands than even I do.

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  9. Wow. So many things I prefer not to think about. You did good with the TMI my friend.

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  10. She could be both.

    She is up for a GLAD award you know.

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  11. Travis - that's all I gotta say is - I love you! You are TOO funny! This is hysterical!

    According to Barbara Wa-wa, Lady Gaga is a woman. And she's in the know, don't cha know!

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  12. "She can't be a woman"
    The first sentence of your P.S.
    Freudian slip?

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  13. I also think she is a women.

    But she is still definitely a FREAK!

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  14. You did great with your nomination, young grasshopper.

    As a huge Gaga obsessed fan, I have to point out that in a past interview, (that she later recanted)she was said to have admitted to having a "very small" thin, one inch penis.

    You should know yourself, that wouldn't be difficult to hide. buah ha ha ha!

    Great post, though. Really hope you're not whackin' it to a dude. ;)

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  15. I always pictures you masturbating to pics of men....dang...gotta change that image now.

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  16. I love FOTC. Cheery up, Murray is probably my favorite song, and their HBO show was hilarious.

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  17. OMG...I just died laughing while reading this post. I agree with commenter no. one. Grower not shower. That's my vote. For the record.

    http://organicmotherhoodwithcoolwhip.com/

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  18. What are you talking about? Her crotch is bigger than her boobs in this picture. She's a dude....and if she's not, she oughta be. I'm calling her "Lady Gag Gag" these days. *sticking finger down throat for theatrical affect"

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  19. Man? Woman? Both? Either way - She's just gross!

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  20. Ga Ga Oooh La La, Travis! With your humor we could make some bad romance together! Loved the post!

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  21. Shut your eyes, roll her/him over and come in the back door. Doesn't matter which it is then.

    So I hear...don't know for sure. Just passing on info I read about...uh...heard about. I mean listening to someone else talk about it. Honest!

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  22. i just found out last week WHO lady gaga is...and now you're trying to confuse me with WHAT she is. sigh. i can't win, man, i really can't.

    to me she just looks like a younger updated version of madonna.

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  23. She is a woman. She is a freak. I love her. The freakier the better. I know this because I am a woman and a freak.... that is my TMI Thursday and I will deny deny deny ever writing this.

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  24. Wanna know something that's absolu-fucking-lutely HElarious??? I was thinking of being Lady Gaga for Halloween . . . I've started collecting trash for my costume already! LoL!

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  25. Well, Travis, I don't have cranium rectumi, but I shore don't know who the hell lady gaga is. And I'm wondering why we need to know f or m.
    In fact, I saw one in the grocery store today, that I couldn't tell. I would think that if it's that close, they would dress or have their hair so that we could all tell.
    I guess I'll have to study some and come up to date on lady gaga. I would not want to appear uneducated, you know.
    Thanks,
    GregoryJ

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  26. This was the single most confusing post that I have ever read from you. All I caught was knocking up the 'Ga'

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  27. I am dying over here. DYING. knuckle children--that is a new one for naive little me, and I love it. I also enjoy how frank and honest you are. This totally cracks me up. And I still love Lady GaGa.

    Maybe this is just a Bad Romance?

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  28. Knuckle children...snicker...hee hee...KNUCKLE CHILDREN!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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  29. hahaha - I don't really care if she has a button or a slot, but my vote goes for woman - no guy cares that much about clothes and outfits.
    Chck out my thoughts on Lady GG: http://quixoticlfe.blogspot.com/2009/11/fashion-faux-ga.html

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  30. Again...Knuckle children...tee hee tee hee.

    I also liked...makin the sweet, sweet

    I might have to steal that one

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  31. LOL!!
    You can almost see her coochie with that on.

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  32. Well. And here I thought your sharing about your *moisturizing regimen* was TMI.

    Little. Did. I. Know.

    Today was so TMI, I'm trying to stab out my mind's eye.

    Thanks, Travis. Thanks a lot.

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  33. Agreeing with earlier comments that RuPaul's Drag Race is a thing of beauty, and you must investigate this bit of magic immediately.

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  34. Travis I think you need to find a hobby cos you have waaaaay too much time on your hands if you are researching in such depth for no sexual gain any womans genital area lol

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  35. Okay...

    So it was brought to my attention that I typed "She can't be a woman." What I meant to type was, "She can't be a man."

    Since only one person noticed this, I'm going to assume that...

    a) Only one person actually reads every word I write.

    2) Most of you actually think I meant to type that and thus believe I'm into dudes.

    XX) All of the above.

    So yeah...

    I don't like dudes.

    Except you, Moogie baby. And yeah, my number's still the same. You called me last night when you were lonely, remember?

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  36. Several websites say she is both. Her has both a vajajay and a wanker.

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  37. I guess if she has both she could just tuck one up inside the other, right?

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  38. haha @ fired off some knuckle children. Love it!

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