Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Guest Post #6: Lauren From (Mis)Adventures In Theatre!


What's cool about


Well, isn't it obvious?

1. She spells theater the wrong (right) way.
2. She's a friend of mine.
3. She's guest posting on my blog!

So here it is, with no further ado, and oh, by the way, click on her name up there and go check her out. You'll be glad you did, I think she's about to give some shit away on her blog!

I’m going to talk to you today about two of my nemeses.  One, is the bikini.  The other, is The Hill. 

The first I’m sure you’re all familiar with.  Two small items of clothing that look remarkably similar to women’s underwear (though sometimes they have even LESS fabric…which I’m not sure how that is humanly possible) that ladies wear during the summer to go swimming.  Most ladies.  Not this kid. As far back as I can remember that little item of clothing has evaded me.  Taunting me with cute patterns and bright colors, while I continue to shop in the “big girl” section of modest one pieces and tankinis with boy shorts in dark, drab prints.  Now, just to be clear, I am not a huge individual, but I am also not a small one.  I am, what I like to call, fluffy.  And all that fluff is what is keeping me from my summertime ambitions of frolicking around in next to nothing like the rest of my average-sized friends.  I mean, sure, I *could* wear one.  But I would like people to keep down their lunch when I was at the lake, you know?  Nothing says summertime like the fat roll of a chubby girl poking out of a swimsuit strap!
The second point of contention is this one particular hill near the summer theatre I work for.  The compound where we live isn’t far at all from the theatre where we meet every morning.  Most of the company walks.  I drive.  Why?  Because between me and my destination, lies, The Hill.  I’m not talking about a normal hill.  I’m talking about a “stairs built in because it’s too steep otherwise and causes mild cardiac arrest” kind of hill.  I’ve faced it before.  Many times.  It’s always defeated me.  Walking down is a piece of cake (because hey, gravity!), but the going back up part, well, that’s just torture for me (because again, hey, gravity!).  I start out all optimistic and think, “Yeah, this isn’t so bad!  Look at me!” and by the time I get to the top I’m a sweaty,  gasping for air and thinking, “OMG!  No one look at me!  I’m gross!  On second thought, could you carry me the rest of the way?”  I have yet to find a taker.

This year will be my fourth summer facing The Hill, and I plan to defeat it!  I’m also 25 and would like to make the summer of my 25th year one in which I can wear a bikini.  Maybe even while running up said hill.  Hey, dream big right!  So in preparation of these milestones I’ve been power walking/jogging 2 miles a day, and I also bought a Wii fit.  I just sort of pick all the pre-set routines and go for an hour, and let me tell you, I am sweating like a fat girl on prom night when I'm done.  The WII wears me out folks.  That’s just plain sad.  I’m also trying to do Jillian’s 30 Day Shred, but ya know, some days I just don’t want to feel like my lungs are going to collapse.
At any rate, I have two months.  We’ll see what happens.  I’m absolutely determined to get up that hill with my bikini if it kills me!  Which it very well might.  But at least I’ll have on cute swimwear.