Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Guest Post Number #5: Jeff From Badly Drawn Monsters!

I could introduce this young man for days.

However, no introduction would be as complete as you just going to his blog. He puts up with more idiots in a single day than most of us will ever deal with in a LIFETIME. And he does it all while helping me figure out HTML.

He's a hero.

He is...


I'm 28.  That means pretty much everyone I know is married or engaged.  The folks at Bed, Bath, and Beyond know me by name from the number of times I've bought things off registries there.  I've seen "Wedding Crashers" and it didn't seem that much fun to me because I've gone to about that many weddings in the last year.

Awhile ago, one of my friends got engaged and has since gotten married.  Before he asked his fiance to marry him, he asked me, "Jeff, is it true?  Does sex really change after you're married?"

I said, "No, not at all," because that's what married guys tell single guys.  And before the ladies get all upset with that, I didn't say it "suffers", I just said that it "changes."

See, sex is like going to an video game arcade.

When you're single, you go to the arcade with a pocket full of quarters and you want to try every game in the place. Well, maybe not every game, because some look like they have herpes.  All the machines are flashy and bright, and you keep almost getting whiplash from the really good looking game behind you.   You walk around, put your quarter into the machine and give it a try.

If you did really bad and failed miserably, well you just don't play that game ever again.  If you did get lucky and actually win, well you don't need to play it again because you already beat it.

When you're married, you still go to the arcade with a pocket full of quarters, but you only play one game. You play it over and over, and eventually you get the high score.  Then it's not enough to just have THE high score; you need ALL the high scores.  You want the entire screen to have YOUR initials on it, because you'll be damed if someone else has the high score on YOUR machine. You don't want to be looking through that high score screen going, "Alright, JAH, JAH, JAH, JAH...who the hell is DJS?!"

I really am lucky to be married.  My wife is amazing, and every day I'm thankful that she married me.  We were one of those couples that met online.  At first I wasn't sure if it would work out, since I lived in a different city and she was an emoticon.  But there was just something about her semicolon-closed parenthesis that I just found irresistible.

I haven't been married very long, so I'm not full of sage advice for those trying to make their way through the harrowing journey that is daily coexistence.  However, I do feel that I'm learning all the time; the trick is simply to pay attention.  For instance, after letting my wife proofread this article, I have learned that it is a bad idea to compare sex with video games.

Who knew?


  1. Pshaw! It isn't a bad idea! It is so right must've either had tons of sex, played tons of video games or played tons of videos games while having sex in an arcade.....niiiiiice

  2. Ha!

    Great post and great analogy.

    Also, marrying a virgin helps ensure that your initials are the only ones shown onscreen.

    Plus, it helps make the high score very achievable.

    Trust me.

  3. if i ever played video games during sex, it would bring new meaning to Final Fantasy because my wife would probably end me.

  4. You really haven't been married very long...sometimes the game breaks and it could take weeks to fix..just ask my hubby...or maybe not.

  5. Sex IS like going to a video arcade.

    You really want to play the hottest game but will most likely end up going home and playing with your own Missile Command.

  6. Love the analogy and the comments, HYSTERICAL!

  7. Apparently, letting your wife proofread your article is a bad idea when she thinks "damned" is spelled "damed".

    And...thus completes my need for being a grammar dick.

  8. I think that was a great comparison!

  9. MJ, its ok because its actually a spelling dick that would be required in this instance.
    oddly, spell checkers in firefox and wp didn't catch this error, so i checked to see if "damed" is actually a word, and guess what? it's not.

  10. Excellent analogy! I'm still trying to decide if I'm ok with 1 game for the rest of my life...

  11. some look like they have

  12. LOL! Bad idea.
    Put the quarter in the machine huh?

    I love the analogy though! I would have never thought of it. hahaha

  13. I hate it when video game machines have herpes.

    LOVE the analagy...wonder if my husband thinks about it that way?

  14. All,

    If you are paying for the're going to get busted by the popo. Just saying...

    Look for the free ones...
    Oh, are we talking about sex or video games? I'm all confused.

  15. momma fargo, it's never free.

  16. I thought this was very clever. I enjoyed the guest post today. Thanks.

    Travis, my husband loves your "(#) Fish caught in the net of discussion"

  17. This post was fantastic and hilarious. And, actually, pretty sweet once you think about it.

    By the way, the uber nerd in me loves the fact that you compared sex to video games. Not such a bad analogy after all.

  18. Sex is like video games. Ha! Now if only my husband were addicted to playing with video games. I'd be all set!

    Great post!

  19. I actually thought the video arcade comparison was pretty funny. I even shared with my husband, who thought it was funny. Then it wasn't funny anymore. :-)

  20. You really haven't been married very long...sometimes the game breaks and it could take weeks to fix..just ask my hubby...or maybe not.
    Work From Home

  21. Very clever. Great post.
    So if sex is like video games... When my husband stays up until 2am playing video games is he having sex with me or someone else??? I'm confused... :)

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