Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I Had A Post Planned...

...And this little gem was dropped smooth in my lap. Thank you, late night TV.




Seriously?


I mean...I know I don't have to. But let's break this down. 


So, this chick went to high school. We've got that much, but after that, it gets kind of fuzzy. 


If I had to guess, she was probably that girl that wasn't terribly smart, but was wicked good at giving handjobs under blankets at the football games. 


She's working "for an hourly wage." Listen. You take that same song, that same chick, and that SAME uniform, give her a pole and a stage, and she's going to make a HELL of a lot more money than taking orders from the feisty senior citizen lunch crowd at the local diner. 


She's tired of the job she has, even though she is LEGIT with condiment bottles on a tray. Not one of them even moved!


I'm also pretty sure she has to pee. Does the whole thing not remind you of a pee dance?


Then she explains how a college degree makes you more money! I don't know about you, but this was groundbreaking news. I'm going to look into this and report my findings. 


Then she does a little breaking it down on teh internets. She took a test, and now all her problems are solved! YAY!


Then she gets in a chair with a laptop and spins around. That's dangerous. Those aren't cheap. While the backgrounds change faster than an LSD trip, she explains that with online classes, you can get your degree on "your own time." Because nothing spells success like logging onto the internet whenever you feel like it, and trying to pass a history final while sneaking peeks at Asian ass porn on your incognito browser. 


Then she sort of breaks it down a bit. Words on the screen and what not. Killer dance moves, which further illustrates my point that she should be on the pole. 


And then it ends, sadly, with a performance type piece. Her with a microphone, orange background, and the most obvious lip syncing of the whole thing. 


I had tears in my eyes when it was over. 


Where did they find this girl? How was it cast?


"Hey there! We've got this commercial, it's going to make you look completely retarded, but it might help you launch that singing career that failed when you got kicked out of the local karaoke bar's 'Pub Idol' competition." 


"SURE!"


"And if this fails, listen. You'd make a hell of a lot of money on the pole."


"What?"


"ACTION!"



28 comments:

  1. Isn't Late Night TV fabulous? Nothing makes you feel better than the tards they put on late night!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dude....youtube, right? Damn it! When are you going to teach me how to hack around the firewalls at work?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Clearly, that commerical was not made for people with brains. You think too much!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Think of the money you could make TravyG if you made that rap video!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hmmmph. I dunno what your talking about. Sign me up!

    ReplyDelete
  6. the only prob I see with her becomng a successful internet college student would be there is no "smart" guy that she can show her boobs to and he will do her work for her

    ReplyDelete
  7. I don't stay up that late anymore so I wish some of these would play during prime time...yeah, these idiots deserve their little time in the limelight!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I always wonder how they find such fucktards and how they become something that we regular peeps are not. Maybe I should get on the late show, and I'd be famous!

    ReplyDelete
  9. WAIT - girls gave hand jobs under the blankets at football games? THAT'S what they were doing? Shit, I thought just thought those couples were so cute cuddled under the blankie and him being so ENTHUSIASTIC with his cheering!
    ***Ally

    ReplyDelete
  10. You can make $25,000 more a YEAR with a college degree?? No way!

    That's about how much I make a year... and I already have one.

    What did I do wrong?

    Oh, right. I'm no good at balancing bottles of ketchup on a tray.

    ReplyDelete
  11. ..and that's the story of how I fell in love with the Education Connection girl.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I clearly do not stay up late enough that was awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  13. You're so right. She does look like she has to pee. Don't they give you bathroom breaks when you work at a condiment restaurant?

    ReplyDelete
  14. That commercial drives me crazy! They air it here a lot. We must have more morons than most.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I don't think she would be very good at pole dancing either...

    ReplyDelete
  16. These kinds of commercials crack me up. You should ask Lee about the exercise/ab machine thingie she bought and the commercial that goes with it--not to mention how one looks when one attempts to USE said machine.

    crazy commercials.

    ReplyDelete
  17. She isn't hot enough to be on a pole. Basically, they told her she'd be famous if she did the commercial and now you doubled her audience by posting it on your blog. Way to go Travis.

    ReplyDelete
  18. This CAN'T be the first time you've seen this commercial. Don't worry, there are more of them.

    This one, though, with the "rapping," it just makes me sad.

    And I can say, without a single doubt, I'd be making way more money right now if I hadn't gone to college.

    ReplyDelete
  19. I have something for you over at my site...come and get it if you want :)

    http://2010-year-of-miracles.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  20. Just another example of why white people shouldn't rap....

    ReplyDelete
  21. I don't think she was giving out hand jobs under the blankets, dude. She was totally under the bleachers, taking it from behind and occasionally acting all upset when some guy "accidentally" popped it in her ass.

    Now, if you need me...I'll be under the bleachers awaiting my turn...

    ReplyDelete
  22. Head over to my Snafu'd World and see what I left you.

    LocoYaYa
    http://locoyaya.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have to admit she was at least cute...didn't really care for anything else in the video.

    ReplyDelete
  24. LMAO!!!! Messed up! Really messed up! It's a lot more annoying than the daytime online college degrees commercials. One of the perks of being a stay at home momma.

    I learned the hard way that a degree doesn't always guarantee you a great job and more money!!

    I wish I could say I never worked waitressing!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. lol. You have taken me further into this commercial than I ever thought possible. lol. :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. That's what happens when your parents educate you at the kitchen table instead of a certified teacher...

    I'M KIDDING!

    Oh god, now the anger is going to find you!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I would let her dance on my pole.

    And by pole, I mean the one in my pants.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Hahah! You never fail to make me laugh. And yeah, ahem, that was pretty lame.

    I mean, PRETTY lame. But hopefully she got her degree right????

    ReplyDelete

The price for my stories is your conversation.