Monday, March 1, 2010

Memoir Monday: PEACE! Be Still...

(Hey guys and gals. It's Memoir Monday time! This is where you write down a story about yourself, steal my button down there, drink a beer, and call it all a win. The only rule is that it has to be true, other than that, there are no rules. I need you to join this week! Once you post, let me know, and I will link you up down there for all my kick ass bloggy followers to go and read! Y'all are the greatest, and I love you. If you want to see all the Memoir Monday posts, just click on the brand new button!! I'd also like to add here that this would be the ORIGINAL Memoir Monday, not any of this other supah bullshit copy meme stuff. So yeah. Imitation and flattery and all that jazz, right?)

I had a particularly religious upbringing. This is something I'm pretty proud of. I firmly believe it has made me a decent (although sometimes thoroughly an ass) person, and it also made for some pretty funny stories as I was growing up. 

There was the time when I was 7 or so and I wouldn't shut up, so my elderly Sunday School teacher asked me if I wanted to teach the lesson. What she got totally surprised her. 

"Yes, Ms. Noe. I can teach it, will you hand me a Bible?"

Or the time when I was trying to be classy by opening a door for some older parishioners, and I wound up shattering the door against my backside. 

Then there was the time when I tried to calm the storm. 

For those of you not familiar, there is a story in the Bible in which Jesus is out on a boat, chillin with His peeps and what not, trying to get some sleep, and this storm blows up out of nowhere. His disciples flip smooth out, running around trying to fix stuff so they don't drown. They get wicked mad that Jesus is just down in the bottom of the boat sleeping, and they go wake Him up. 

Jesus, being the absolute cool dude that He is, gets up all calm and Jesus-like and says, "Peace, be still." 

And that storm did it. It was still. It rolled over. It played dead. It begged for a treat. It got outta there faster than Republican in California. 

In other words, Jesus made that storm his lady friend. 

Then Jesus looks around and was like, "Really? Y'all didn't think I was clutch? I could have done this in my sleep and y'all are just wakin me up. Faith, my brothas."

Then His disciples spend the rest of the boat ride pretty much looking stupid and talking about how cool it is that Jesus can just carry on a conversation with the weather like that. 

Anybible, one day I was hanging out at the house with my mom, and I wasn't quite old enough to go to school, so I was probably about 5 or so. 

She had laundry outside on the line, (we were old school, y'all) and a storm was coming up. She wanted to bring the clothes in, but I had other plans. 

I looked at my mom and said, "I'll handle this." and I walked outside. 

I looked straight into the eye of that storm, wind blowing, rain starting, thunder crashing...

...and I said...


And that is the day that I found out I wasn't Jesus. 

Other Non-Jesus Imitated Walks Down Memory Lane: (GO READ THEM!)