Monday, March 1, 2010

Memoir Monday: PEACE! Be Still...

(Hey guys and gals. It's Memoir Monday time! This is where you write down a story about yourself, steal my button down there, drink a beer, and call it all a win. The only rule is that it has to be true, other than that, there are no rules. I need you to join this week! Once you post, let me know, and I will link you up down there for all my kick ass bloggy followers to go and read! Y'all are the greatest, and I love you. If you want to see all the Memoir Monday posts, just click on the brand new button!! I'd also like to add here that this would be the ORIGINAL Memoir Monday, not any of this other supah bullshit copy meme stuff. So yeah. Imitation and flattery and all that jazz, right?)

I had a particularly religious upbringing. This is something I'm pretty proud of. I firmly believe it has made me a decent (although sometimes thoroughly an ass) person, and it also made for some pretty funny stories as I was growing up. 

There was the time when I was 7 or so and I wouldn't shut up, so my elderly Sunday School teacher asked me if I wanted to teach the lesson. What she got totally surprised her. 

"Yes, Ms. Noe. I can teach it, will you hand me a Bible?"

Or the time when I was trying to be classy by opening a door for some older parishioners, and I wound up shattering the door against my backside. 

Then there was the time when I tried to calm the storm. 

For those of you not familiar, there is a story in the Bible in which Jesus is out on a boat, chillin with His peeps and what not, trying to get some sleep, and this storm blows up out of nowhere. His disciples flip smooth out, running around trying to fix stuff so they don't drown. They get wicked mad that Jesus is just down in the bottom of the boat sleeping, and they go wake Him up. 

Jesus, being the absolute cool dude that He is, gets up all calm and Jesus-like and says, "Peace, be still." 

And that storm did it. It was still. It rolled over. It played dead. It begged for a treat. It got outta there faster than Republican in California. 

In other words, Jesus made that storm his lady friend. 

Then Jesus looks around and was like, "Really? Y'all didn't think I was clutch? I could have done this in my sleep and y'all are just wakin me up. Faith, my brothas."

Then His disciples spend the rest of the boat ride pretty much looking stupid and talking about how cool it is that Jesus can just carry on a conversation with the weather like that. 

Anybible, one day I was hanging out at the house with my mom, and I wasn't quite old enough to go to school, so I was probably about 5 or so. 

She had laundry outside on the line, (we were old school, y'all) and a storm was coming up. She wanted to bring the clothes in, but I had other plans. 

I looked at my mom and said, "I'll handle this." and I walked outside. 

I looked straight into the eye of that storm, wind blowing, rain starting, thunder crashing...

...and I said...


And that is the day that I found out I wasn't Jesus. 

Other Non-Jesus Imitated Walks Down Memory Lane: (GO READ THEM!)


  1. If all the stories in the bible were written like your "interpretation" of the boat story, I'd proabbly be a lot more likely to read it.

    Street talk makes EVERYTHING cool.

  2. Thank you for my AM laugh. I can always count on you for that!!

  3. THAT'S the day you found out you weren't Jesus?

    Man. I wish I would have found out that early in life.

    This past weekend was a true awakening.

  4. Oh too funny! Sorry you're not God...

  5. Keep practicing, Travis. Maybe you're a Jedi instead of God.

    I tagged in again.

  6. How rude to find out you aren't Jesus that way ;-)

    Really, I loved your 'interpretation' of the biblical wording. You really should do a modern day interpretation of the Bible. Wink. Good stuff.

    I played along again today:



  8. Ok you got my link and now I can BWHAHAHA but actually living ina doublewide on ahillside it is nothign for me to go pleading the blood over this property and land when big storms blow up.. I hate them lol..despite this place being anchored better then Fort Knox..

  9. Lily: Yeah, it's a thin line between funny and sacrilegious, but I balance good.

    Lee: Would have been 2 laughs if you'd have just accepted that naked picture of me.

    Kat: I had a really funny joke about God wishing He was me, but then my hair got all staticky.

    Moog: I told you that cross was a bad idea.

    Ally: Yeah... The TIV. Travis' International Version. Now with a preface by Dr. Dre!

    Josh: Can you get me a light saber?

    Angel: Mattresses in the bathtub. Can you tell I've lived in a trailer before?

  10. You kill me. I'm pretty sure if the Sunday school teachers at my church laid things out that way, I wouldn't have to fight with my kids to go. You have a calling, my friend. LOL

  11. Thanks for the laugh! Hilarious!

  12. Oh I used to love Sunday school. The cookies and punch were great, and I always got to be the one to read the Bible story, cuz everybody else sucked at it. Too bad my life isn't that cool now.

  13. aw, that is just too cute! Im sure your mom got a good laugh out of that!

  14. I thought for sure you were the King of Peeps... you bring us peace all the time.


  15. You bring new meaning to the words, "God Complex." Love the story. Maybe I am an idiot . . . how do I link up with Memoir Monday. I have a post for today! :)

  16. If you HAD stopped the storm, that would have been wicked.

  17. Wait. A. MINUTE.

    You're NOT Jesus?

  18. LMAO!!!

    "faster than a Republican in California"

  19. That is the wonder of being a little kid. Childlike faith.

  20. You mean, you aren't Jesus??? Oh, you're more like God. That's right!

    I'm in this week, Trav-O. Check this out (famous last words of a dead redneck):

  21. Perhaps you could just re-write the entire bible for us! I'd read it front to back. Wonder how the fishes and loaves story would go... or the ark story!

  22. Lol. I'd love to hear your version of the water into wine story.

  23. Meme likey your Originality. It is supah fabuloso.

    So God, tell me....what was the deal with Abraham and his son on that mountain? I mean, what a way to screw a kid up, right? I need some more insight into that your thoughts behind that one.

    Happy Monday Travie!

  24. Well, that's all I can say is, thank the LORD you found out early that you weren't GOD because too many MEN walk around thinking that's exactly WHO they are. You were set straight early. Nice try, though!

  25. I would've loved to see you outside trying to calm the storm. Did your Momma laugh? I bet she wished she had it on video for AFV.


    Woot! Two weeks in a row!

  27. Little T, that's the best story! Made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside and stuff.....

  28. A blessing that you realized this when you were so young.

  29. Sweet! Love it! At least you didn't try the whole Cain and Abel thing. That would have been a little disturbing.

  30. I spend a lot of summers trying to get my lake to part like the Red Sea only to fall out of the canoe because Pabst and paddling don't go well together.

  31. Ok, so I've decided that you need to do a Bible reading recording. Cause I would totally listen to that. Move over James Earl Jones, here comes TravyG!

    And this story is hilarious. But I love how much faith you had as a little kid. It is wrong I still have similar events now?

  32. That's a shame it didn't work.

    Later, you could have used the water to wine excuse if you ever got busted drinking.

    "Mom, I swear it was water when I started."

  33. Dude, you've ruined my day. I was TOTALLY thinking you were gonna stop the storm and save the laundry...

  34. At least you started with something small. You trying to calm the storm. I would have hated to hear you tried to walk on the lake and drowned or something!


The price for my stories is your conversation.