Monday, March 15, 2010

Memoir Monday: Which Came First, The Sickness Or The Egg?

(Hey y'all. This little thing is called Memoir Monday, and I'd be thrilled if you gave it a shot. Just jot down a story about yourself, grab my code down there, and I'll link you up to be read by all my wonderful blog buddies. The only rule? It has to be true. I am personally doing what I can to help cure your case of the Mondays. Thanks for playing along!)




Since Easter is right around the corner, and since I can't see a peanut butter egg without thinking about this story, I've decided to finally get it out there for the world to hear. 

My brother Brad (The Groom) and I shared (and still share even though I'm a diabetic and can't have any unless it's sugar free and that gives you the hot poops) a mutual love for candy. However, there was not an abundance of candy when we were growing up, because my parents didn't want us to get fat. 

Shut it. 

Anyway, candy was a rarity. It was precious. It was never wasted. If that meant we had to lick a wrapper to get a couple more tastes of that Butterfinger, well, we did what we had to do. 

Halloween was a favorite time of the year, because we were able to go to the church social, play some games, and stock up on enough candy to last us almost a week. 

Another favorite time? Easter. This was because we had REALLY cool grandmothers. Still do. But back then, one of our grandmas would give us an...EASTER BASKET! This was always a wonderful thing, and we loved it. 

However, one year, it got real. 

My grandmother decided to get us just one piece of candy that year, and when she told us, we were incredibly disappointed. Then we saw it. 

It was the biggest peanut butter filled chocolate egg we had ever seen. 


We almost lost it right then and there. We were so excited. We were on top of the world! This was the coolest Easter EVER! 

You know...because of the candy. Oh. And Jesus.  

So we ate on those things.  

And we ate on them. 

And we ate on them. 

Are you seeing the pattern here? 

Folks, I'm not lying to you when I tell you that we ate on these eggs for at least two weeks. TWO WEEKS. It was almost as if it were a chore. We'd come home from school, clean our room, eat some egg, do our homework, and then we could have free time. 

It. Was. Awful. 

After the first 3 or 4 days, it didn't even taste good anymore. However, we couldn't throw them out. That was even more unthinkable than continuing to eat them. It would have been heresy, plus I honestly think my parents enjoyed seeing us suffer. 

To this day, I can't eat peanut butter that tastes like the stuff in that egg. If I so much as smell it, I get sick to my stomach and I just want to puke. The only peanut butter egg I'll eat is a Reeses, other than that, I won't touch them. 

I told Brad that I was going to tell this story and I asked him for a quote. Here was kind enough to provide me with one. 

"That thing was the size of a freaking basketball, not an egg, and I swear I vomited like 12 times one year after eating that conglomerate of commodity peanut butter and stale chocolate. But we were poor and we would never throw away candy, so we ate it even if it did make us sick every year." 

I told you so. You have your own special code of ethics. We have ours. 

Sloat Rule #2: Never throw away candy. Even if it makes you vomit and hate commodity peanut butter. 

That's real. 

Other Non-Peanut Butter Filled Bites Of The Memory Egg: (GO READ THEM!)

31 comments:

  1. Peanut butter lays eggs?

    What comes out, like, little peanut butter chicks or something?

    So confused.

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  2. My mom used to buy us these nasty little candy eggs - pastel colors, hard thick candy on the outside, weird marshmallow stuff on the inside - so gross. And yet, we ate them because it was the same way at our house - you only got candy on holidays so you ate every bite of it including the stuff even the dog wouldn't touch.

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  3. We were never deprived candy as kids, but our next door neighbor was, and she used to come over and secretly raid our candy dish (though, we knew about it.) It was kind of gross because the candy that was in there was always old, nasty and stale.

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  4. Ahhh shiz I would have eaten it too! I remember my sister once threw away a half a cookie and my grandma flipped. "You know I would have eaten that," she said. I swear she considered taking it out of the trash.

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  5. New plan for making kids hate candy: get them huge pieces of candy and force them to keep eating it even after it gets stale and they puke. I like it.

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  6. I think I threw up just on principle!

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  7. So, being the good Jews that we are, would always get one of those chocolate bunnies....the kind that you think are awesome then find out they are friggin hollow?? Yeah..go Easter.

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  8. roflmbo@Lee.. OH man how on earth do you MAKE a PB egg that large I would hate to have seen the chocolate she used for it. As a mom who makes the PB balls at Christmas I don't use cheap peanut butter Peter pan only .. but ewwww... that large lol.. NOT

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  9. LOL. I know the feeling, only our grandma gave us huge chocolate bunnies. It cured nothing. I still eat chocolate.

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  10. Commodity peanut butter makes THE BEST peanut butter cookies!

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  11. Oh, and THE WORST Easter candy in the world? PEEPS. Those things are evil incarnate.

    I have a story that might make a good Memoir Monday blog...

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  12. That's like the smoke-an-entire-pack-of-cigarettes-to-learn-you-a-lesson version of candy.

    I'll be back later with a link.

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  13. Its like the chocolte bunny when the chocolate has started to turn almost a grey color...but you just can't throw away chocolate.

    Unfortunately my MIL is a school teacher and everything she gets from her students my kids bring home.

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  14. I always eat just enough Cadburry eggs to really be sick of them by the time that Easter is over, but never too much so that I'm not absolutly dying for them the next year. It's a delicate balance of seasonal chocolate overload.

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  15. http://singedwingangel.blogspot.com/2010/03/prom-nightmareswith-supah-and-mommy.html

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  16. My daughter got one of those HUGE chocolate bunnies a few years ago. She was 5 or 6 at the time. Anyway, she was disappointed to the point of tears because someone "sucked the insides out of it."

    Until she tasted it. Then she said "Whoever stole my bunny's guts can have the rest of him, too. He's nasty!"

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  17. Please link me up:

    http://npoj.blogspot.com/2010/03/memoir-monday-summer-rasperries.html

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  18. Hey folks, I am so sorry I'm not commenting on posts yet or replying to comments. The Missus has me busier than a one legged sharecropper, and I don't have much free time. However, I WILL be around to comment today! I wouldn't dream of hosting something and not award participation by not commenting! Thank you guys!

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  19. *Love*

    http://www.pleasantlydemented.com/2010/03/nine-ten-never-sleep-again.html

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  20. The only thing I can really think of that I can't eat/drink any more is tequila.

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  21. Dude! I LOVE peanut butter eggs! Even the rot-gut, Palmer's kind with waxy chocolate and all!

    I totally get it, though. I once ate too much asparagus and can't even look at the stuff now without gagging.

    Please add me to your list, Trav-O! I'm playing along.

    http://sarcasm4free.blogspot.com/2010/03/memoir-monday-daytona-beach-1993.html

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  22. Dude, my parents were so against the candy in our house when we were growing up, too! And soft drinks! Never got either one unless it was a "special occasion" or a holiday. I think that's why I can't turn down candy now. Which is also why I give my kids candy a lot now, b/c I figure when you deprive kids of something, they just want it more, right???

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  23. The BEST part of Easter is always the candy.

    Reese's peanut butter eggs make me swoon. Good thing they aren't the size of a basketball because I really wouldn't want to get a taste aversion to them...or maybe I do. It would help the minimize my stomach!

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  24. No wonder you're a fucking Diabetic.

    Your grandma obviously hated you.

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  25. I always get Peeps even though the thought of them makes me gag - but unlike cheap chocolate eggs at least you can microwave joust with the peeps.

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  26. It is a sin to waste candy. Even the crappy kind.
    Damn, I want peanut butter eggs now.

    I know it's not really Monday anymore, but I played anyway...

    http://girlybitz.blogspot.com/2010/03/that-is-one-ginormous-wedgie.html

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  27. I love peanut butter eggs!! Yummy!!

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  28. I admire your persistence in eating the egg. I was poor too and couldn't have done it!

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  29. Where the EFF is my thank you for my cool memoir monday button video??

    Where the double eff is your rewarding your loyal readers by humiliating yourself video?

    What day do I need to Tivo you on Tyra?

    Ok I think I'm caught up now...

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  30. Oh god. Sounds sick!

    But I have also been in that position. Like, everyday.

    Sigh.

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  31. Funny how I'm munching on M&M w/peanuts and quickly lost my appetite. Where were you when I opened the bag, like 10 minutes ago?

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