Monday, April 19, 2010

Memoir Monday: In Which I Shave For The First Time.

(Hey y'all. This little thing is called Memoir Monday, and I'd be thrilled if you gave it a shot. Just jot down a story about yourself, grab my code down there, and I'll link you up to be read by all my wonderful blog buddies. The only rule? It has to be true. I am personally doing what I can to help cure your case of the Mondays. Thanks for playing along!)

I'm sure all of us have experienced the moment of deciding we have WAY to much hair, wherever it might be placed, and deciding that it is time to shave it all off. Today's story revolves around the very first time I ever picked up a razor, and just how naive I was.

My dad told me, "Son, you don't want to start shaving. Once you start, you'll never be able to quit, and you'll hate it." Of course, I was about 13, and I was a man. I had some peach fuzz, nothing that was even visible unless you had a good light source and maybe one of them fancy NASA telescopes for checkin out bumps on the moon.

I had no intention of listening to my fathers advice, and so I bugged him about it until he finally gave me a can of shaving foam, a disposable razor, and the words, "Knock yourself out. Just be careful." I took all three of these things to the restroom, where I began to lather up. My father had gone over all the steps with me, so I splashed hot water on my face, then put the foam on, then sat there for a while so that it would "loosen up" that peach fuzz that was already softer than than Obama approach to diplomacy.

Then I started shaving. Oh how thrilled I was! I peeled away the foam one stripe at a time, being oh so very careful not to cut myself. I did a hell of a nice job too, because I didn't once even give myself a nick! I was a pro already, and it was the first time I'd ever shaved! I rinsed the razor every third or fourth pass, but I never once took my eyes off the mirror, because I was enjoying every second of this grown up activity.

Finally, I was done. I put the razor to the side and splashed my face with water much like the men do in the shaving cream commercials. That made a mess I had to clean up, but after I was done with that, I looked in the mirror to examine my newly shorn chin and upper lip. Alas, they were so much smoother! I had missed some spots, but oh how manly I felt!

I reached down for the razor to do some light touch up work, and for the first time since I'd started, I happened to look at the blades. They looked awful white. They looked awful plastic. They looked an awful lot like I had neglected to ever take the cap off the razor the entire time I had spent shaving. And it turns out, that was exactly the case. I had spent the entire time shaving my face with a capped razor.

Of course, my family had a wonderful belly laugh at my expense, and I realized then that it was obviously not time for me to start shaving, if I had in fact knocked a few hairs off with the damn safety cap. If you think that stopped me though, you are dead wrong. I marched right back into that bathroom, uncapped that razor, foamed up again, and proceeded to butcher my pre-pubescent face into a bloody mess that took a couple of days to heal. But don't think for a second that I didn't enjoy using a half roll of toilet paper to cover my new "battle wounds."

And now it is true, I hate shaving. I only have to about once or twice a week, because part of me is still that 13 year old boy that can't grow facial hair. However, if it were up to me, I'd go back to that peach fuzz anytime. That's real.


  1. I can't wait for the first time I shave.

    Should be any day now. 42 is around the time, right?

  2. So funny. My mother started me off with an electric razor for good reason!

  3. As a mom to 3 boys I have heard " can I shave now" for longer then I care to remember. Sadly my 17 yr old does not grow hair as quickly as his now 13 year old brother who must shave daily lol. Don't think he doesn't rub that in every chance he gets..

  4. Oh Man! I should've read your post this morning before I plunked mine out. It would've jogged a memory!

    I think my first shaving experience was taking a pink disposable Bic to my eyebrow.

    Heh...yeah...I had a unibrow once upon a time.....

  5. Sorry Trav, bad day, no emotional energy to draw from.

    Happy Memoir Monday - good podt but my sense of humour sucks tonight.

  6. i wish i could take down my beard with a plastic cap. usually these days i'm using a machette

  7. Oh so funny, considering I have a 15 year old who shaves about once a week. :-)

    I joined up with Memoir Monday this morning:


  8. I got tired of it, too. So I started growing a beard a few months ago. Love it. I don't know what others think, but I don't care. I don't have to look at me. But I can remember at 13 wanting to shave, too. That's what boys do...want to be a man.

  9. Link me up, Travis, I remember feeling grown... :) But it doesn't involve shaving!

  10. LOL!

    I remember my older brother wanting to shave the few little hairs that grew over his lip. It was even funnier that my younger brother grew a lot more hair than him, and started shaving a lot sooner! LOL!

    My older brother, now 35, still grows very little facial hair, while my younger brother has a full grown beard (yuck).

  11. I just posted about how my son shaved for the first time. He's four cause he's a real man. LOL.

  12. I have done the same thing. On my legs. Like, this morning.

    I'm a little slow to understanding this whole removing-the-razor-cap-thing.

  13. Dude. People are bailing left and right on the Monday Memoir thing. I totally forgot today.

    Shaving sucks. I never started shaving until I got in the Navy, and that was only because they made us. I still didn't have anything to shave, but they made us anyway.

  14. I should have never shaved. Now I'm saving up for electrolysis cause I effing hate shaving! Well not really saving up... But there's gotta be an easier way!

  15. Gee here I thought you were such an achiever not cut yourself for the first time shaving and come to find out it was a practice run!

    I cut myself so many times shaving as a teenager, I'm surprised I got any dates!

  16. I bugged my mom about shaving my pits for the longest time. I was more worried about those than my actual legs. She wouldn't relent until I came into the kitchen and using a pair of her scissors, starting snipping the hairs under my left arm. She finally gave me a razor, but my little brother still makes fun of me for that.

  17. Ok - THAT story was priceless! LOVED IT!


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