Tuesday, May 4, 2010

A Conversation My Body Has Every Morning.

Brain: Hey guys!
Back: What the fuck do you want?
Brain: Umm... Well, I just thought...you know, that we should be getting up?
Back: You can kiss my ass. You try to move a muscle, I'll ruin your day. Try me.
Legs: I'm with him on this. We need at least 8 more hours of downtime.
Brain: Seriously? I'm awake! You can't expect me to lay here for 8 more hours!
Back: You'll do it, or you'll suffer the consequences.
Legs: Yeah, what he said.
Stomach: I don't mean to be a bother or interrupt, but I'm feeling a bit neglected here too.
Brain: You shut the hell up, Stomach. You talk to me one more time, and I'll cut you off.
Stomach: Okay... I'm sorry.
Brain: That's right you are. You kicked my ass this weekend, and now it's my turn. Salad. That's all you're ever going to eat again.
Stomach: But a steak sounds so goo...
Brain: I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP!
Stomach: Okay...
Back: Are you a stomach or a pussy?
Penis: HEY! I HEARD THAT!
Back: Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Brain: I feel like we need to do some negotiations...
Legs: Alright, whaddya got?
Brain: Just let me get up, we'll skip the morning exercise, cook a nice fatty breakfast that will give me no energy, and then just sit in the recliner.
Back: That sounds pretty good... What do you think, Legs?
Legs: I like it, but this slick fucker tricked us the last time.
Brain: I did. And I apologize for that, I really do. But I'm being honest here, guys. This time I'm for real.
Legs: How do we know you're not lying? How do we know that you're not going to get on the Bowflex, and eat a big bowl of *shudder* oatmeal?
Brain: That deception is a part of my past. It's a new lazy leaf I've turned over today. Hell, it's so lazy, I'm not even going to turn it over. Fuck healthy. You have my word.
Stomach: YAY!
Brain/Legs/Back: SHUT UP!
Legs: Alright man, I'm going to trust you. I'll give you some leg power here... There ya go... Alright, I'm on the floor, Back, you got it from her?
Back: You swear you aren't tricking us again?
Brain: I swear man. Honest Injun.
Back: Alright, here ya go... Nice and easy... Yep, you're up and ready to go.
Brain: HA! I'm going to take a shower, work on the Bowflex, eat oatmeal, and EXERCISE LATER! And, for your insolence, I will work harder today!
Legs/Back: DAMMIT!!!
Back: You just wait till tomorrow morning...
Brain: We all know I'm smarter than you. I will win again tomorrow morning too.
Penis: Hey, you got time to rub one out?

And this is why I am constantly late for work.

23 comments:

  1. If you think that sucks, you should listen to my penis.

    Again.

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  2. Bwahahaha!! lmao

    Well, at least it wasn't your penis running the show and actually your brain. That coulda been a far different conversation!

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  3. LoL My brain usually wins too! :)

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  4. Good to know that there is a man whose brain actually controls him . . . instead of his penis . . .:)

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  5. OMG - that was awesome
    LUVIN the dialogue! I have that same dilemma every morning...
    well...not QUITE the same...
    I mean its NOT to get up and work out.....
    and I don't eat oatmeal...
    and I don't have a penis....

    OK - it's not the same AT ALL - but it was still efffing hilarious! ;-)

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  6. roflmbo and we all know the only reason the brain won this was because the penis was still half asleep and therefore not requiring as much blood flow.. Had you needed to pee this would have been a totally different scenario

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  7. Do the voices in my head bother you too?

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  8. That brain. Conniving. That's the best thing you can do...mind games. I do it all the time. Keep it up, Travis's Brain!

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  9. hahaha that's awesome.. My bladder has the loudest voice.. except for a few times when I was drunk...

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  10. Your body is such an asshole.

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  11. Ed is closer to the point. Your brain may think it's the ruler of the bodyvrse, but it's really the asshole. Let that bad boy shut down and the whole body crumbles. The legs get weak, the brain starts hallucinating, the back looses strength and nothing is right until it lets go. The moral! Don't piss off an asshole.

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  12. you, sir, are disturbed
    and effing hilasrious

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  13. Maybe THAT'S my problem. My body parts don't talk to each other. They must be fighting.

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  14. All joking aside, I'm super impressed, Travis.

    ...I mean with the whole exercising and eating right thing...

    ...not the rubbing one out thing...

    *gross

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  15. Makes me wanna write my own dialogue. Love the last line w/ your penis. BWAHAHAAHAHA!

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  16. I am so glad that your hands were not a part of the conversation. I don't want to know what they would have to say. Poor poor hands. º¿º

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  17. Your back and legs sound like a bunch of assholes ;)

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  18. Oh man, I know how your back and legs feel! Except my stomach wins over my brain cuz I love food too much!

    I think you need to feed your penis oatmeal. It'll be like killing two birds with one stone.

    Ummm

    Ewww

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  19. One of the benefits of having a three year old. No part of me ever gets a chance to think about it. I'm just yanked from gorgeous sleepy delirium with cries of "It is daylight mommy. Don't sleep! Get up NOW!!' ... her stomach gets mine immediately involved and all is lost for another day.

    Kathy over at Everyday Bliss

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  20. My bladder is usually the body part that wins these debates.

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  21. That is the funniest conversation I have ever heard! Nice Travis.....lol.

    Jessica H.

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