Brain: Hey guys!
Back: What the fuck do you want?
Brain: Umm... Well, I just thought...you know, that we should be getting up?
Back: You can kiss my ass. You try to move a muscle, I'll ruin your day. Try me.
Legs: I'm with him on this. We need at least 8 more hours of downtime.
Brain: Seriously? I'm awake! You can't expect me to lay here for 8 more hours!
Back: You'll do it, or you'll suffer the consequences.
Legs: Yeah, what he said.
Stomach: I don't mean to be a bother or interrupt, but I'm feeling a bit neglected here too.
Brain: You shut the hell up, Stomach. You talk to me one more time, and I'll cut you off.
Stomach: Okay... I'm sorry.
Brain: That's right you are. You kicked my ass this weekend, and now it's my turn. Salad. That's all you're ever going to eat again.
Stomach: But a steak sounds so goo...
Brain: I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP!
Back: Are you a stomach or a pussy?
Penis: HEY! I HEARD THAT!
Back: Yeah, yeah. Sorry.
Brain: I feel like we need to do some negotiations...
Legs: Alright, whaddya got?
Brain: Just let me get up, we'll skip the morning exercise, cook a nice fatty breakfast that will give me no energy, and then just sit in the recliner.
Back: That sounds pretty good... What do you think, Legs?
Legs: I like it, but this slick fucker tricked us the last time.
Brain: I did. And I apologize for that, I really do. But I'm being honest here, guys. This time I'm for real.
Legs: How do we know you're not lying? How do we know that you're not going to get on the Bowflex, and eat a big bowl of *shudder* oatmeal?
Brain: That deception is a part of my past. It's a new lazy leaf I've turned over today. Hell, it's so lazy, I'm not even going to turn it over. Fuck healthy. You have my word.
Brain/Legs/Back: SHUT UP!
Legs: Alright man, I'm going to trust you. I'll give you some leg power here... There ya go... Alright, I'm on the floor, Back, you got it from her?
Back: You swear you aren't tricking us again?
Brain: I swear man. Honest Injun.
Back: Alright, here ya go... Nice and easy... Yep, you're up and ready to go.
Brain: HA! I'm going to take a shower, work on the Bowflex, eat oatmeal, and EXERCISE LATER! And, for your insolence, I will work harder today!
Back: You just wait till tomorrow morning...
Brain: We all know I'm smarter than you. I will win again tomorrow morning too.
Penis: Hey, you got time to rub one out?
And this is why I am constantly late for work.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
A Conversation My Body Has Every Morning.
I'm a husband, father, son, brother, and friend. I teach English and Literature to the youth of today. I love Jesus and my mother, and I'll gladly introduce you to both. I love photography and writing. Duke basketball keeps me occupied for half the year, and hating Chapel Hill keeps me busy the other half. As you can tell from the title of my blog, I like stories. I'm a big guy with a big voice, trying desperately to be heard by someone before The Lord takes me home. Let's be best friends.