Monday, May 3, 2010

Memoir Monday: TAR 2010.

(Hey y'all. This little thing is called Memoir Monday, and I'd be thrilled if you gave it a shot. Just jot down a story about yourself, grab my code down there, and I'll link you up to be read by all my wonderful blog buddies. The only rule? It has to be true. I am personally doing what I can to help cure your case of the Mondays. Thanks for playing along!)

Well, if you missed it, you should probably be kicking yourself pretty hard right now.

Go on. I'll wait.

IT WAS AWESOME! TAR 2010 went off without any major hitches, and Daffy, Coffeypot, Jeff, Ed, Bambi, Barb, Kid Funk, The Missus and I all had a blast!

P.S. You can click on most of those names for links to blogs. 

The Missus, Kid Funk and I literally skidded into Missouri via hydroplaning early Friday afternoon, and then we had all kinds of adventures with retarded Missouri semi truck drivers. I swear, if it wasn't for the fact that my little Japanese built car wouldn't be crushed beneath them, therefore ending our lives, I would have gone head to head with some of them. We also outran tornadoes and huge storms the whole way up, but we made it to The Lou relatively unscathed. The weather took the "Tornado Alley Roundup" moniker a bit too seriously.

We checked in, met everyone but Daffy and Jeff, who would arrive later, and then the fun began. By fun, I mean free drinks in the hotel lobby. Folks, I'm not kidding when I say this; I am the fattest lightweight you'll ever meet. I was 3 drinks in and feeling pretty good, and we all ran across the street to go to the Hard Rock, where I had never been.

What followed was proof positive why I should never drink, and I am absolutely sure there will be pictures to go along. I wound up dancing the YMCA in front of the entire restaurant with a lesbian who kept wanting to lead, and we may or may not have had a dance off. Since I have two moves, the Moneymaker and the Bunny-Hop, she won quite soundly. I got a free drink mixer in the shape of a guitar, so I'm calling that a win. Between all of us gentlemen, I'm also fairly sure that there wasn't a waitress in the place that didn't get sexually harassed.

When we left, it was raining, and so it was quite the little run back over to the hotel, which sobered us up, so we had to drink more beers in the hotel bar. Daffy showed up, Bambi and Barb left us for good to go to some wedding that we couldn't crash, and then everyone pretty much went to bed. Kid Funk spent about 30 drunken minutes trying to "set the auto feature" on the coffee machine in the room, which turned out not only to be broken, but also to have never featured an auto option. The Missus and I slept in a single full size bed, and I have to tell you, since the Tyra show, when we last did that, we're about 70 pounds lighter, and so it was a lot easier, but still wicked lame.

Day two brought us round to the free hotel breakfast, a swim in the pool for myself and The Funk, some hot tubbin, and then we all gathered up to figure out the events for the day, which turned out to be the worst planning job in the history of time. We went out to the Arch, and you have my word, it is still standing. One of the security guards was a Duke fan, so he was cool. This was also where we met up with Jeff, and I even waved to him while he was stuck on a bridge. Speaking of Duke, Ed was a very good sport about having to hold up his end of the bet and wear a Duke hat all weekend.

After the Arch, pretty much all plans fell apart, and we went to the mall thing they had there at Union Station. That was a blast, mostly because Coffeypot told penis jokes during lunch, and Daffy told lame jokes about vaginas being licked while she colored. We have video of that, but there is also video of me dancing, so I won't draw till you do, guys.

From there we decided to go our separate ways for a bit, get refreshed for some bar hopping in the evening. Jeff and I decided to go down to the pool, where we chilled in the hot tub for a bit before meeting the ENTIRE CAST of Jersey Shore. I shit you not, and These folks were dead ringers, and they were every bit as stupid. They were there from Arkansas for a bachelor party, I really don't think I have to say more, but here is a picture to clear it up.

Then we got drunk. Jeff, The Missus, Kid Funk and myself all had a little drinking time in our room, and there was Jager, 151, beers, and more Jager. That was NOT including the gin and tonics I had, the margaritas The Missus had, and the beers we all had for the free drinking time in the lobby. Shit got real, folks.

We got downstairs to meet up with everyone, and it was there that we discovered a drunk Cards fan passed out in a chair in the middle of the lobby. I got called an asshole by the desk clerk, but I managed to get a picture, and then later I got a video as they put him on a luggage cart to take him back to the room. That will follow later.

I'll be real honest when I tell you I don't remember a lot about the evening. I remember that Coffeypot drove us around, I remember winding up seeing a Lamborghini in the parking lot of the Four Seasons hotel and casino I was in briefly, and I remember sitting out in the street having the best damn bruschetta and the worst damn calamari I've ever had in my life, watching about 34 brides to be go by enjoying bachelorette parties. From there, I know we left, and I know I got back to the room, and I know I woke up the next morning.
Of course, this can only be confirmed because I am typing this up now.

Kid Funk and Coffeypot

Me and The Missus

These are just a few of the pictures, but I will post more later this week. I made all of the TAR folks promise to put up a Memoir Monday today, so be sure to check back often for updates today! This was definitely the most fun I've had in a LONG time, and I definitely can't wait for a sequel, which I hope you'll all join!

Other Memoir Monday's This Week. (GO READ THEM!)


  1. Sounds like loads of drunk fun!! Sorry I missed it!

  2. Fun times. Definitely doing it again next year. I am still not driving to fucking Tulsa though.

  3. Ok I am sorry I missed it, but not the storms.. Idon't do storms at all. I would have paid to be a fly on the wall at the dinner table. Looks like ya'll had a blast. Ya know you could do a sequel maybe not so much in tornado alley ohhhh Ky..
    YOu beat me to the link!!! Go Trav..even in drunken stupor hangover. I am so proud. Your wife is beautiful!!!I am so glad ya'llhad a blast...

  4. Sounds like good times were had by all! And the Twitter chatter all weekend was awesome!

  5. Sounds like you had a blast! Great times!

  6. Wow! I followed the tweets - looks like you all had a great time!

    I am proud to stay that, at 42, I have NEVER had Jager. The other stuff, yeah. But no Jager...

    Can't wait to read the others!

  7. The storms weren't THAT bad. Really, I live in Missouri. :) Those were just soft rains.

    Jager, awesome, so you did have a drink for me! :)

    As for Missouri truck drivers, you're lucky, a few weeks back, one actually took out a little car and didn't even know it was hooked to their front bumper for a few miles down the road, that shits nuts.

  8. Sounds like a great time. I once got kicked off a stage while doing a drunken YMCA. Apparently my M was a little wobbly and dangerously close to knocking over the speakers and/or innocent bystanders.
    Love the pics. Can't wait to see more from your fellow TAR attendees.

  9. Love the pics! though I'm even more jealous now after seeing them! I'm def going for the next get together!

  10. Sorry I missed it, but I would not have been much fun anyway after having one of the worst weeks of my life. No joke.

    Sorry it rained so much! Spring weather in STL is quite unpredictable!

  11. I'm sad I missed it and am looking forward to reading the other TAR stories. The pic of you and the Missus won't load up for me, so will have to try again later.

    Thanks for sharing---looks like you had a TON of fun! sorry you had to drive through all our nasty weather!

  12. I'm so sad that I missed me a favor and not schedule the next one while I'm in the midst of buying/fixing/moving into a new house :) Your twitter updates cracked me up all weekend. I'm glad that the 'Lou treated you all well!

  13. OMG! Sounds like y'all had a blast! I know your tweets were hilarious this weekend! :)

  14. If I wasn't so impecunious, I would have been all over this. And then we could see, pound-for-pound, about who the biggest (punny!) lightweight was.

    Also...why order calamari when you're in a landlocked state? Nothing good can come of that.

  15. Sounds like I missed all of the fun. From one fellow light weight to another, glad you enjoyed yourself. BTW, I got my act together and linked up to your Memoir Monday today! Stop on by.

  16. One day I'm going to do fun stuff like this! BTW - your MIssus is hot!

  17. Looks like a great time was had by all. Get Daffy to moon y'all?

  18. I'm up I'm up I'm up (finally).

    Looks like the rest of the weekend was pretty fun... sorry we couldn't be there with you. Next time!

  19. You sound like a lot of fun to hang around with sober - you must be a riot when you are drunk. I don't know about you, but when I'm drinking I always have problems spelling YMCA when I'm dancing.

    Enjoyed the photos. Keep 'em coming.

  20. You were drunk? Hell I didn't even know you drank until I saw you sober once (for about 15 min). Though I didn't get to drink on Saturday night, I had a great time watching the drunks and the ladies on high heels trying to walk up the cobblestone street on The Landing.

    But I had more fun with all the dudes and dudetts who showed up. Maybe more will show up next year.

  21. Is Ed high in that first picture?

  22. Hope I'm not too late to join in:

    Sounds like you had fun!

    i got tanked this weekend too - Unfortunately I wasn't with you all!
    looks like you had a blast!
    and glad you didn't float away...
    with the rain OR all that ALCYHOL!

  24. Hah - just trying to work out time difference. Have my Memoir already to roll, and it's 7.30pm on Monday night here.

    Waiting, waiting...

  25. Bugger it - must hit the sack. Will put link here to be first in line for this week, lol.

    Will come back and see if I need to link for this week anyways...


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