Monday, June 7, 2010

A Fruity Letter, Then A Greasy One.

Dear Apple Juice,

As you dripped down my finger and onto my shirt this morning, I couldn't help but notice some things. You didn't stain my shirt, you didn't make me smell bad the rest of the day, and you didn't make me cuss really loud and swerve all over the road trying to hurriedly blot you with a napkin. Instead, I just kept eating the apple you came from, and I laughed a little at how much things have changed in my life. Thanks for the help in losing 66 pounds, and I have no doubt that you'll get me to under 300 this week. I love you, and I'll make sweet, sweet love to your core if that's what you want, I just need to clear it with The Missus.

Insulinlly Yours,


Dear Greasy and Turribly Fattening Breakfast Foods That Almost Ruined My Life and Ruined Several Shirts That Don't Fit Now Anyway Cause I'm Gettin Skinny,

Fuck you, and you can kiss my ass. You've been replaced by apple juice. Go ruin someone else's shirt, bitch. I totally did it with your sister, and she LOVED it. And I banged your mom.




  1. YOU GO, TRAVIS!!! That is awesome! Love following your tweets and updates - you are inspiring!
    Besides, grease stains are a bitch!

  2. Travis sweetie, I am becoming concerned for you. Although the weght loss is ABSOLUTELY awesome.. the making love to the fruits is ahem kinda questionable lol..

  3. Way to go (notso) Big Guy!!! Top Effort!! xoxo

  4. Wow! 66 lbs is awesome. That is half a small person. Like Gary Coleman. Half of him. Way to go, dude.

  5. Hey Travis,
    To get to the core of the matter..lmao!!! Sorry could not help myself. Way to go Travis!!! Keep it up buddy!!!!!


  6. You are rocking the weight loss, Travis! Yippee! And nice letters.

  7. Trav! YOu never dissappoint. :) I am LOL!! Congrats on the 66 pounds. Keep up the good work buddy.

  8. I hear making love to a banana is much more satisfying...

    299 is just around the corner and buh-bye 300's!!

    WTG Travie I am rooting for you!!

  9. We're all pullin' for ya, big guy.

    Some more literally than others.

    I will refrain from sending you the video.

  10. You shame me (eyes cast down), after I scarfed down two (count them TWO) blueberry muffins for breakfast!

    Keep up the good work!

  11. Yo! Big Guy! I am down 10 pounds. Now, I know that that is only about 1/7th of the weight you have lost, BUT I only started at our challenge.

    However, you seem to be getting your funny on along with shedding the pounds, sooooooo for that, I say BRAVO dude!

    Still gonna kick your ass! Even if I have to pimp out sexual favors to raise more $$ than you!

  12. you are rockin' my socks off, travis!

    i love apples, but they make me hungry on their own. i dunno.

    keep up the good work!

  13. I havent talked to you in a while but seriously i read your posts and im so proud of yoU!


  14. Definitely the healthy way to do things...apples = good!

    Fountainass = bad

    I'm really proud of you!


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