Tuesday, June 1, 2010

A Record Of Events...Just In Case.

I went in to our lovely neighborhood Wal-Mart this morning to get breakfast, which was an orange and a banana.

The lady before me had chicken laid on the counter, and when the cashier scanned it, I could see the juice still on the counter, and then on the scanner.

I HAD FRUIT TO EAT.

YOU HAVE TO WEIGH FRUIT.

I thought, "Surely she'll give it a quick spray before she tries to check me out. Folks, SHE WIPED IT OFF WITH HER HAND.

The hand, I might add, that she was going to grab my fruit with. She just smeared the chicken juice all over the place, and I almost threw up.

So I'm standing there, facing a quandary. Do I hand over my fruit, watch her grab it in her nasty Salmonella hand, scan it on the Salmonella scanner, and then put it in a plastic bag to wallow in it's Salmonella-ness? Or do I say something, which I think is pretty douchey of me?

We were at an impasse. We stared at each other. A tumbleweed rolled by. A train whistled in the background. I was contemplating just how long food poisoning would take to get over, and how much weight I'd lose in the process, and she was wondering what the hell was taking so long.

Finally...

"Ma'am, can you disinfect that scanner before you put my breakfast on it?"

"OH! Sure I can! Sorry about that."

The counter was wiped, she entered my fruit, I paid up, and walked out of the store feeling pretty good about how I'd avoided a terrible illness. It wasn't until I had eaten most of my banana that I realized...

...she'd never washed her hand.

Bananas and oranges have peels though, so it's okay...right?

Also, Erin? You'll be glad to know I didn't get the plastic bag. I opted to carry my fruit out with my hands and no bag at all. I'm going green, even if it's with food poisoning.

Lord, beer me immunity.

23 comments:

  1. Don't worry, Travis. I'm sure the immigrants who picked your fruit probably didn't infect it with e-coli first, either.

    Godspeed, my friend.

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  2. Yeah, they have peels, but I always wash the peels before I peel them anyway, because you never know who else in the store fondled your fruit.

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  3. DAMNIT MOOG STOLE WHAT I WAS GOING TO SAY.

    sorry about the caps. but i'm serious.

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  4. Thick skinned fruits such as bananas usually are not anything to worry about. It takes a lot to get through the skin. BUT if she did clean the scaner off she would have had to use the hand to clean it so it woulda been somewhat clean if that's any consolation lol.

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  5. You ruined my appetite for the whole day! Go me! I am so kicking your ass in our little challenge. 'Cept, I am stuck at 9 pounds. Could be the cook out we had Saturday night. BBQ chicken, sausages, coleslaw, antipasto salad....shit. Now I am hungry again. So much for killing my appetite.

    Whatevs....still kicking your ass dude!

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  6. The whole time I'm reading, I'm thinking to myself, "Dude, they both have a peel on them. What's the big deal?"

    I don't know why I haven't died yet.

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  7. I LOVE YOU, TRAVY!

    no bag = PURE AWESOMENESS!!!

    and you're right. they were in the peels, so I think that way lessens your chances of contracting salmonella.

    ;-)

    xoxoxoxooxoxoox

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  8. So, here's a time when alcohol is purely medicinal. And, since the fruit went in your body, that's where the alcohol needs to go.

    Whenever you need an enabler, I'm here for you man.

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  9. I'm sure by the time you touched the peels that her salmonella hands touched, then peeled your fruit, then touched your fruit before putting it in your mouth, that the salmonella was WAAAAAY diluted. I'm sure you'll be fine. *wink*

    Seriously, how have we not all succumbed to permanent food poisoning by now? Chicken juice on the scanner wiped by hand is just gross.

    Good for you and your lack of bag! You're making Erin proud!

    ***Ally

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  10. I think you are okay....cause of the skin but if you put some vodka in your OJ that would have made it better!

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  11. TravyG I would have had the very same conflict. Chicken germs freak me the hell out!!

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  12. Travis..haven't been around, but you are rocking! Glad you didn't eat the peel though...would have been bad in so many ways.

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  13. But your hands will touch the peels when you peel them and then you will hold the fruit when you eat it. Let me know which hospital room you will be in so I can send you some rubber gloves.

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  14. I got food poisoning from Quizno's once...I felt like I was on the verge of death for a few days, but I totally lost, like, 15 pounds, so, if you DO get sick, try to look for the silver lining :)

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  15. My mom always told me when I go to other countries if you can't peel it or boil it then don't eat it. I'd say wally world is definitely in the other country category, but since you peeled the fruit I'd say you're okay. but did you touch the doors or the cart with your hands and then not wash them? eww.

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  16. eeeeekkkk!! i hate it when people are disgustingly careless like that!!

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  17. Ok call me weird . . . Even though they have peels . . . I still wash them. Just cause you never know. I'm glad you spoke up. But if you were holding the fruit while you were peeling it, you might have gotten the chicken juices all over your hand and then went on and ate the fruit . . . Hope you don't get sick!

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  18. Salmonella is a myth propogated as a 'sugar pill' by the people who make antibiotics.

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  19. Ewwwww that would totally gross me out too!! Good job on refusing the bag.

    It's nice to see you back! =)

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  20. Travy, you're a good story teller!

    I'm sure the dirty cashier hand won't be infecting you.

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  21. I'm so proud of you for going green, Travis. I just hope it isn't booger green from the cashier.

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  22. Ok. So after reading your post and all the comments, I am totally grossed out. I have come to the conclusion that we must all grow our own food and raise out own chickens and cows. Yuck-o.

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  23. Let me just say, you were wise, Grasshopper, to ask her to disinfect the scale.

    I got food poisoning from chicken once - it was NOT pretty. It could have been from my own home or from a restaurant. But, let me tell you, I was sitting on the pot 15 times a day. I kid you not. I had to bring in my poop to be analyzed and boy was I surprised when I got a call AT WORK from the HEALTH DEPARTMENT saying that I had food poisoning from chicken and they wanted to know where I had eaten in the past three weeks. Yeah. SO. kudos to you. I would have reported the scag. I think you were safe since they had peels on them. But if not, you know who to sue. Just saying....

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