I am using today as an excuse to be a bit schmoopy. I know that we should all be nice to our spouses year round and that anyone who just does it on V-day is lame and blah blah blah. I don't care. My blog, my life, my rules. So here we go.
Over the years, Valentine's Day and it's meaning has definitely changed for me. As I've grown up and matured a bit though, I'm beginning to see what it's really about.
Chocolate and sex.
Naw, I'm yankin ya. (maturity) I managed to land my first real girlfriend around the age of 16. We'd been dating for about 4 months when Valentine's Day rolled around, and I decided I was going to make her something with a wood burning kit. It was a little wooden slat with "I heart (name deleted out of respect)" burned into it, then painted a bit. We'd been dating for FOUR MONTHS. I didn't love her. I grew to love her in a weird, awkward, "I'm sixteen and she touched me inappropriately sometimes" way, but I never truly loved her.
We dated for a year and a half, and then I had another girlfriend. This one was the rebound, and we never made it to V-day. I did not love her. That is all.
Then I met The Missus. To make a long story very short, we fell in love, and we were married. That was just about 8 years ago. Over the past 8 years, I've learned a lot about love, and all the forms it can take. I think I learned the most about love a few years ago though. You see, I did my best to screw up my marriage, and I did it in the worst way possible. As I was doing this, I put my wife through quite possibly the worst year and a half of her life. I was ruthless, I was mean, I was hateful, and I was apathetic. During this time, a Valentine's Day passed where I got her a card, and I was so uncaring, I didn't even look at what it said. The look in her eyes when she read a certain line on that card is something I'll never forget. It was the epitome of my selfishness, the peak of my savageness.
Then I realized one day what needed to be done. I did my best at fixing things, and I laid everything out to her. There aren't a lot of people in this world lucky enough to experience what I got to: forgiveness. I'll never forget hearing her say, "We're going to get through this." So we started the repair project.
There are three different types of love mentioned in the Bible. Those types are Phileo, Eros, and Agape. Every time the words love or charity are mentioned in the Bible, they are referring to one of those types of love. Phileo is "brotherly" love, or the love that you have between best friends. Eros love is self-explanatory, it is the love that is SUPPOSED to be between a married couple, but that is a soapbox I'm not really qualified to stand on. Agape love is "unconditional" love. This is the love that Christ displayed when He went to the cross for us. It is also the kind of love that you would think one would have the most trouble with in a marriage, and that might be true for most people. However, it's not for me.
You see, I have no trouble loving The Missus unconditionally. To me, it's easy, especially after seeing how she does it for me. She sees me, sees all my baggage, sees all my imperfections, and still accepts me and loves me no matter how many times I fart, insist on watching college basketball before coming to bed, or leave dirty dishes in the sink. I can return that love because the example has been set perfectly by her.
I won't speak on the Eros love, because that's just not classy. I think I'll take the Jim and Pam approach.
The one I have had the most trouble with, and the one I've made the most progress on in the last two years, is the Phileo kind of love. My wife is slowly but surely becoming my best friend. We laugh at each other's jokes, we tell each other secrets, and we do all that best friendy stuff that best friends do. Plus, we get to live together, and it's not like a normal girl/guy "best friend" relationship, because there isn't any weird sexual tension. You know what I'm talking about guys, the Friend Zone tension.
|"But if we have sex, we won't be friends any more. And I really just like us being friends...don't you?"|
So, Alicia. When I said "Happy Valentine's Day" to you this morning and kissed you before you left for work, this is what I was saying. I could have put it in a card, but I don't think it would have fit. (TWSS) I could have said it to you, but we both know I'm not capable of that. I tend to get lost when I look in your eyes, and not in that dumb romantic way, either. Something in your eyes paralyzes me. It exposes me for what I am, an amateur everything who flies through life with a quick wit and false sense of bravado that is combined with a supply of charm which is double that of any human alive. So I wrote it all down and posted it in a blog for about 1000 people to see.
But the only one I care about is you.
Here's to hoping we become best friends in 2011.
I love you.
p.s. I'll also get you chocolates and flowers and a card and hopefully sex, because for sure, I'm not stupid.