Thursday, April 14, 2011

Random Things I've Realized.

In the past few days I've discovered some thing about myself, and I thought I'd share them with you. 

1. My head ALWAYS leans to the left. I've become very aware of that recently. If I am resting my fat head, it always leans to the left. I look like a freaking Boston Terrier. Just a tilted head all the time. I blame it on the fact that I truly do have the biggest head of anyone I know, I boast a fitted hat size of 8 1/4. 

2. It's taken 28 years, but I finally learned how to swing a softball bat. We played a pickup game last night, and I hit two home runs. That's the same amount I hit in about 25 games last year. I don't know what changed, but yesterday was the first game of the year, and I swung at the first pitch and knocked it out. I know what you're thinkin, "This guy is talking about softball? My 13 year old slightly lesbian granddaughter with the thick calves can hit it out of softball field." That's all well and good, but I've never been good at sports that require a bat. Don't judge me. 

3. I still trust people way too easily. And I still get burned. 

4. I'm way more excited and way more worried about getting kids now that it's so close. I'm excited because I get to be a dad, and because The Missus gets to be a mom, but I'm worried about two little strangers moving in to our house. Also, does anyone know the policy on returns? I kid...

5. I've finally figured out how to argue with someone and not be mad at them. On a related note, I've learned how to explain my beliefs without shoving them down someone's throat. I may not be patronized by the church, but I like to think I'm planting seeds. In reality I think I'm just planting a bunch of pissed off people. 

6. This one is hard to admit...but I'm a...I'm a...slow driver. Over the last few weeks, with the exception of getting to work and class, I've looked down at my speedo and have seen the needle at a very disturbing 55 MPH in 65 zones. Folks, I don't like that. It used to be that I was king of the roads, demanding the peak performance out of my 1997 Ford Scort and my 1995 Chevy 1/2 ton. Now? Now I see people pass me and think, "What's their hurry?" I really think I need to be injected with hormones. I'll take the acne again, and I don't mind getting erections at weird times because now I'm married and my wife has to sleep with me when that happens. IF ONLY IT WILL MAKE ME DRIVE LIKE A TEENAGER AGAIN. 

7. Speaking of teenagers, my tolerance for them is slowly dropping. I blame Facebook, mostly. If I see one more person talk about me needing to see who views my profile, I'm going to punch them in their zit riddled face. I can't say I'm totally innocent on these charges, because the other day someone I trusted may or may not have posted about boobs accidentally coming out on a TV broadcast and I may or may not have clicked on it, and I may or may not have been phished. All of those are mostly mays. I immediately deleted the automatic post, changed my password, and felt horribly ashamed of myself. Like, the kind of shame you would after walking out of the beaded off portion of your local video store and running into, say, the pastor of your church. The person I got this from is not a teenager, but I'm still blaming the teenagers. 

8. Bald eagles have become a good luck charm. When The Missus and I see a bald eagle, good things happen. We're planning a trip this summer that involves lottery tickets and a bald eagle habitat. We'll let you know how that goes. 

9. I'm addicted to StumbleUpon. They have an extension that plugs into the Chrome browser, and that button just looms up there, begging to be clicked. And clicked again. And clicked again. I've seen more of the internet in the last 2 months than I've seen in my life. And let me tell you folks, it gets pretty weird out there. Weirder even than hitting the "Next Blog" button. If you have work to do, I highly suggest not even getting involved in it. If you have 24 hours to kill and plenty of Rhoto handy, then go for it. I seriously love Rhoto. It's like cocaine for your eyes. Kid Funk can back me up on that. 

So there you have it. Just some self-observations I've noticed in the last few months. Feel free to share yours in the comments if you want, I have the normal comments turned on again for all those that had trouble before. I'm leaving the FB comments up though, we'll see how it works with both of them.