Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A List of My Reasons to be Happy.

This is me. Right now. Pissy and sad. 
I'm in a foul mood. Thanks to the IRS, the jackass that I work with that ate all my oatmeal and left the empty container in the cabinet, a headache, and the fact that my church league basketball team got slammed again last night, I have sort of gone into this funk, almost a pity-party, but with more anger and loathing. 

So before I sink too far into the "well of despair" and have to see some sort of doctor who will prescribe a pill that makes me really happy all the time but kills my sex drive and gives me a permanent case of the hot poops, I've decided to make a list of all the things that I have to be happy about. 

I've never tried this before, and I may leave some things out, but don't judge me. 

The Literal Counting of My Blessings

  • Our kids. Obvs. I actually got left alone with them the other night for forty-five minutes, and they didn't annoy me at all. In fact, I finally had to give them gum to shut them up because we were getting along so great. 
  • My wife. She's every bit as mad as me, but hey, misery loves company. 
  • I'm alive. I'm fat, I have diabetes, I'm stressed from work and school and everything, but when I woke up this morning, I wasn't dead. So there's that. 
  • I have pretty much the coolest dog on the face of this planet. She licks my face. 
  • My Sunday School class is seriously the best thing in the world. They REALLY suck at basketball, but they are definitely the underwire in the push-up bra of my life. 
  • My best friend is getting married. 
  • Last week, I told a lady at work that her lunches always looked amazing and that I was seriously considering giving her money every week to pack mine for me. Today she made me a sandwich. 
  • I serve a God who I get really mad at sometimes and maybe I say mean things to Him. He can handle that, and sometimes He slaps me in the face with sandwiches to remind me He's still around. 
  • You're reading this. 
  • I have an A in Algebra. Which, if you're an atheist or maybe even just agnostic, proves the existence of God. 
  • In five weeks I'll be laying on a beach in Florida. That may, in fact, be all that I can afford to do, but at least I'll have that. 
  • My mom, brothers, sister, and niece are the bees knees. 
  • We have a house, two vehicles, jobs, and food to eat. 
  • I'm actually not that terrible at Draw Something. 
  • I've lost thirty pounds since January. My BMI is still 8,456, but it's progress. 
  • I got a new flash drive today, and I named it Turd Ferguson, and then I found out that you can replace the default icon on your desktop with one of your own, and so now when I plug Turd Ferguson into my Mac, a picture of Norm McDonald in that ridiculous hat pops up and makes me laugh. 
  • I can still laugh at Norm McDonald. 
  • I haven't heard the song "Rack City" in almost two weeks. 
  • I can still tell a wicked good story that will have you laughing so hard you might pee a little. 

So there you have it. Those are a few of the things that I feel like are blessings in my life right now. 

But remember that guy a few years back that flew his prop plane into the IRS building because he was mad at them? For the record, I totally understand that guy right now. Totally.