Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A List of My Reasons to be Happy.

This is me. Right now. Pissy and sad. 
I'm in a foul mood. Thanks to the IRS, the jackass that I work with that ate all my oatmeal and left the empty container in the cabinet, a headache, and the fact that my church league basketball team got slammed again last night, I have sort of gone into this funk, almost a pity-party, but with more anger and loathing. 

So before I sink too far into the "well of despair" and have to see some sort of doctor who will prescribe a pill that makes me really happy all the time but kills my sex drive and gives me a permanent case of the hot poops, I've decided to make a list of all the things that I have to be happy about. 

I've never tried this before, and I may leave some things out, but don't judge me. 

The Literal Counting of My Blessings

  • Our kids. Obvs. I actually got left alone with them the other night for forty-five minutes, and they didn't annoy me at all. In fact, I finally had to give them gum to shut them up because we were getting along so great. 
  • My wife. She's every bit as mad as me, but hey, misery loves company. 
  • I'm alive. I'm fat, I have diabetes, I'm stressed from work and school and everything, but when I woke up this morning, I wasn't dead. So there's that. 
  • I have pretty much the coolest dog on the face of this planet. She licks my face. 
  • My Sunday School class is seriously the best thing in the world. They REALLY suck at basketball, but they are definitely the underwire in the push-up bra of my life. 
  • My best friend is getting married. 
  • Last week, I told a lady at work that her lunches always looked amazing and that I was seriously considering giving her money every week to pack mine for me. Today she made me a sandwich. 
  • I serve a God who I get really mad at sometimes and maybe I say mean things to Him. He can handle that, and sometimes He slaps me in the face with sandwiches to remind me He's still around. 
  • You're reading this. 
  • I have an A in Algebra. Which, if you're an atheist or maybe even just agnostic, proves the existence of God. 
  • In five weeks I'll be laying on a beach in Florida. That may, in fact, be all that I can afford to do, but at least I'll have that. 
  • My mom, brothers, sister, and niece are the bees knees. 
  • We have a house, two vehicles, jobs, and food to eat. 
  • I'm actually not that terrible at Draw Something. 
  • I've lost thirty pounds since January. My BMI is still 8,456, but it's progress. 
  • I got a new flash drive today, and I named it Turd Ferguson, and then I found out that you can replace the default icon on your desktop with one of your own, and so now when I plug Turd Ferguson into my Mac, a picture of Norm McDonald in that ridiculous hat pops up and makes me laugh. 
  • I can still laugh at Norm McDonald. 
  • I haven't heard the song "Rack City" in almost two weeks. 
  • I can still tell a wicked good story that will have you laughing so hard you might pee a little. 

So there you have it. Those are a few of the things that I feel like are blessings in my life right now. 

But remember that guy a few years back that flew his prop plane into the IRS building because he was mad at them? For the record, I totally understand that guy right now. Totally. 


  1. Bad days, bad weeks, bad months ... hell, bad years ... they go away eventually. So that's something.

    And you're right. You ARE good at Draw Something. I don't know if you can top that AMAZING squid I just drew though .....

  2. Hmm I have to worry if you are having to pay especially after an adoption, that usually carries a boocoo of deductions and refunds. Trav you also have awesome internet friends who would follow you anywhere.. ya know like me. And when God is slapping ya around at least he is using food to get your attention, I mean hello he doesn't want to hear your stomach growl while you're getting the lecture lol.

  3. I love this list...
    and because finals are coming, and fast,
    I think I'll end up writing one of my own...
    Make me remember just how lucky I am..

  4. Awe man, the hot poops aren't all that bad.

  5. Sean Connery: It looks like this is my lucky day! I'll take "The Rapists" for $200.

    Alex Trebek: That's "Therapists." That's "Therapists," not "The Rapists."


    Sean Connery: Well, the game is afoot. I'll take anal bum cover for 7,000.

    Alex Trebek: That's An album cover, not anal bum cover.

    Sean Connery: I can read, Trebek. That says Anal bum cover. I've spent five years of my life trying to invent an anal bum cover, failing to do so is my greatest regret.


    Alex Trebek: Mr. Connery, go ahead.

    Sean Connery: The day is mine! I'll take Famous Titties for 400.

    Alex Trebek: Titles, Famous Titles.

    Sean Connery: Damn!

    Alex Trebek: And the answer is: This movie title is taken from the name of the book "Gone With The Wind." Mr. Sean Connery.

    Sean Connery: Dolly Parton!

    Alex Trebek: Titles, Mr. Connery. Not titties.

    Sean Connery: Not a fan of the ladies, are you Trebek?

    Read more: What is your favorite Saturday Night Live Sean Connery quote when he was a contestant on Jeopardy? | Answerbag http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/267496#ixzz1sKOIv51m

  6. This comment has been removed by the author.

  7. Love it! But what's new, right? :)

  8. Travis, I have been working to clock the past few weeks for the church league basketball games and it is so encouraging to me seeing you guys out there having fun being normal people. As a young teenager it seems so hard to be a normal person and be able to follow God the way that everyone pressures us to. Seeing you out on the court being yourself and reading a blog like this is really encouraging to me and shows me that I can be myself and I don't have to be perfect in order to do my Lord justice. In today's high schools, if you say you are a Christian, there is immense pressure to be perfect. This shows me that even adults aren't perfect and, as I said before, encourages me to step forward and follow the Lord the best I can even though I'm not perfect while still being myself and not becoming a robot. Thank you, Travis. These real life scenarios and conflicts speak louder than anything and show that there are all kinds of people on this world and we all have out very own way of praising the Lord and spreading the Word. Once again, thank you for these encouraging testimonies.


The price for my stories is your conversation.