Sunday, November 1, 2015

#Write30 Challenge (Day Ten): A fruit I dislike and why

Before we get started, yeah I skipped yesterday, big deal, let's just call this thing what it is, an "I'll write when I feel like it but don't judge me if I miss a day" challenge.

Today's topic is a fruit I dislike and why, and it's an easy one with a blanket answer.

I hate any fruit with fuzz on it.

Peaches, kiwis, and anything else that might exist where you have to shave it before you eat it.

Hair has a place. That place is not on fruit.
Don't think the double-entendre is lost on me, in fact I have a funny story about that.

Several years ago, I was in Sunday School class when the mayor of Muskogee walked up to me and asked me if I liked peaches.

"Travis, do you like peaches?"

"No Bob, I don't."

"Why not?"

"Bob I don't eat anything with hair on it."

Pretty much Mayor Bob, if Mayor Bob was black. And short. 
I'd like to tell you that this is the most awkward thing I've ever said in church, but if you've known me for more than five minutes, you'd know that's a lie. 

Back to the fruit though, it's a sensation thing. If I want a piece of fruit, I want something smooth and easy to eat. I can't do bananas because the texture makes me gag. I'll eat every banana Laffy Taffy you ever set in front of me though. 

Kiwis are definitely worse than peaches. I'd eat a peach if someone cut it up and did the dirty work for me, but if you set a kiwi in front of me we'll just stop talking. I won't even say bye, I'm just going to walk away and say, "Hey Siri, delete **** from my contacts." If you aren't in my contacts, I'm going to find one of your friends, ask them for your number so I can apologize later, then block your number. I hate kiwi that much. 

Fruits I do like? Well, apples, oranges, watermelons, grapes, melons of all kinds (heh), berries, and tomatoes, because I'm that guy that will tell you tomatoes are really fruit even though everyone knows that already and no one cares. 

Also, I quick aside, I turned 33 today, and I started No-Shave November, and my birthday is technically 25 hours long* which is awesome. Just don't get me fruit as a present. Love you guys. 

*I have no idea if the math is right and I don't care