Showing posts with label Would You Rather. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Would You Rather. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Ways To Die And A Would You Rather.

So I've been watching that show on Spike called "1000 Ways To Die."

I hate it.

I didn't know why I had a problem with it until last night. It was then I realized what I found so uncomfortable about that 30 minutes of mockery for the stupid ways people manage to promote the phrase, "survival of the fittest."

I will probably wind up on that show.

How lame is that? I mean, one of the guys on the show last night literally died laughing. Really? Look up at the top of my page. Go on, scroll up. Shouldn't even be that hard. (TWSS) Did you see that quote? I mean, yeah, I wouldn't mind dying of laughter, but this poor bahstahd died after laughing for 36 HOURS. Can you even imagine? Eventually his heart just blew up. Why would you not go to the hospital? I would think that between guffaws, you could convey the point that you needed some sleep. Bad. Just as long as you didn't answer the question, "Why are you laughing?" That could start a massive problem.

However, the show did give me some interesting fodder for a Would You Rather, which is slowly becoming what Wednesdays are all about. Ed does it anyway, and that's good enough for me. So. Here goes, blog buddies.

Would You Rather...

Be killed while having sex with an electrically charged cows heart,

or

Be killed by choking to death on a hot dog that you stole from a store in a drunken fit?

There you go. You decide! (Girls, I know that sex with an electrified heart would be hard for you to do, but it still applies. I'm sure you could work something out... You're always sayin that babies come out of there. Just sayin. Work with me.) Things to consider are: With the heart thing, you totally had sex with a heart. With the hot dog thing, it's going to be more drawn out, and there may or may not be gay jokes.

How do you, as a living relative, tell someone that their son or daughter has died from having sex with an electrified cows heart? How would you do that?!

"Hello?"
"Yeah, Mrs. Applebottom? I have some news for you."
"Oh goodness. It's not my boy, is it?"
"Yeah... Yeah it is... You see...Are you sitting down?"
"No. Should I be?"
"Yeah. Listen. You should be. Seriously. Get sat down, please."
"Okay... What happened?"
"Did your son ever display any...ahem...strange tendencies?"
"Well, I caught him trying to do a cow once..."
"Alright. Alright, let's run with that."
"Oh my, did he kill a cow trying to do it?"
"Well. You might say that the cow got it's revenge..."

And from there it would tail off in to an awkward explanation of how 12 volts is okay, but 110 is really kind of pushing it.

Me? I'm totally going with the hot dog. Yeah, it may look like you died with a penis in your mouth, but it beats the heck out of having "I was so shocked he'd do that!" jokes at your funeral.

Ya know?

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Would You Rather, And A Bonus Conversation With Kid Funk.

Today is "Would You Rather" day I guess, so I'm going to take a shot at it. Here goes.

Would you rather,

Be put in a box for one hour with a a million pieces of freshly chewed Juicy Fruit gum, chewed by a million different people,

Or

Have to use the restroom on a web cam that broadcasts a live feed from all all angles for a year in which everyone you've ever met is forced to watch every time you go?

Things to consider: With the gum thing, SOMEONE is gonna have the swine flu. Probably a lot of other stuff too. Plus, there is the slobber factor. With the bathroom thing, your mother will be watching. Weird people who like that sort of thing will be watching.

On to the conversation...

Me: I've gotta come up with questions for a questionnaire for guest guest posting on my blog. It's kind of lame.
KF: I don't even know what that means. Doesn't bother me the slightest.
Me: Yep. Bothers me though, "Guy who wants me to DD for him." Let's show some damn sympathy here.
KF: Travis... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you are gay.
Me: Hey. I'm gonna have sex tonight with a chick. Are you?
KF: Naw. Don't mean I don't wannna. I bet you cut it short to blog though...
Me: Hell no. Unless blogging now instead of doing it counts.
KF: Yep, you could be doing it, but you are blogging. Blogging is something you do when you have nothing to do. If you have, in fact, IT to do, then you do have something to do.
Me: I'm not really blogging. I'm just making something for the blog. Plus, she's watching soaps. Hell, that's foreplay.
KF: That's even worse. That's like putting lipstick on your blog. She'll come back and tell you she's in love with your evil twin if you're not careful. Soaps killed my 4th cousin. Mmmmhmmm, that one that lived in Nacadocios. She done ran her car off a bridge so she could see if she had an evil twin, and she could come back and confront her, she didn't come back, Travis. Then I found out she was my aunt.
Me: Damn. Did you sleep with her before you found out? Shit could get complicated.
KF: Naw.
Me: Thank God for that.

There you have it, folks. Give me your WYR answers, iffen you haven't had a seizure after reading that conversation. Happy Hump Day! Get you some!